Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

 


WELCOME BACK BUSBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[FoundArealQuad]

 

[AJ RAPTOR]

A Blonde's Year in Review

 

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ... Helllooo ... bottles won't fit in printer!

March

Got really excited ... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months .. box said '2-4 years!'

April

Trapped on escalator for  hours .... power went out!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid ... wrong instructions ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June

Tried to go water skiing ... couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition ... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm ... car was swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is 'C'... isn't it?

October

Hate M & M's .. they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December

Couldn't call 911 ... 'duh' ... there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!

[FoundArealQuad]

 

[NaturalRaptor]

A girl from Tennessee wrote to Dear Abby:

Dear Abby, I am 13 years old and still a virgin. Do you think my brothers are gay? 

[Peelz]

 

should be Arkansas

[Flynbyu]

should be Arkansas

FERK You.



~Brian

[Flynbyu]

Here's one for the nerds.....

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?



A: Pumpkin Pi!

~Brian

[AJ RAPTOR]

I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
   Fred proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen.. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
  Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
  "I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem ? "
 























"It's swollen," Fred replied

[Krandall]

Here's one for the nerds.....

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?



A: Pumpkin Pi!

~Brian

ERMAHGERD..

[FoundArealQuad]

good one

[Out Back Welding]

LOL swollen! 

[Krandall]

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

[FoundArealQuad]

 :rofl:nice

[FoundArealQuad]

Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.

Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Your mother's so fat, you could slap her butt and ride the waves.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Your mother's so fat, when they used her underwear for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "OK"!

Your mom's so fat, when she lays on the beach, people run around yelling, "Free Willie!"

Your mom's so big, she plays marbles with planets.

Your mom's so fat, her belt size is the equator.

Your mom's so fat, she has to buy two airplane tickets.

Your mom's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.

Your mom's so fat she uses a satellite dish as a diaphragm.

Your mom's so fat when she took her dress to the cleaners they told her, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."

Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.

Your mom's so fat, she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.

Your mom's so big, when the family wants to watch home movies they ask her to wear white.

Your mothers so fat, she was baptized at Sea World.

Your mothers so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Your mothers so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Your mothers so fat, she's on a light diet...as soon as it gets light out she starts eating.

Your mothers so big that she sat on a rainbow and got Skittles.

Your mothers so fat that when she wore an "X" jacket a helicopter tried to land on her back.

Your mothers head is so big, it shows up on radar.

Your mothers so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.

Your mothers so fat your bath tub has stretch marks.

Your mothers so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

Your mothers so fat, she got a run in her jeans.

Your mothers so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.

Your mothers so fat, she sells shade in the summer.

Your mothers so fat, she left the house with high-heels and came back with flip-flops.

Your mothers so fat, when I got on top of her my ears popped.

Your mothers so fat, she influences the tides.

Your mothers so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.