Post some good jokes here!!!!

[dragonz]

stat you bro.........

[Peelz]

 

knock jokes never get old.


What kind of pants do tornadoes wear?




















































THUNDERPANTS!

hey oh! 

[Magz]

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.

"Hello," said the little boy.

"Hi," replied the little girl.

"Where are you going?" asked the little boy.

"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered the little girl.

"Me too," replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from church."

"Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.

"I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. "What about you?"

"I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill," replied the little boy.

They discover that they are both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together.

They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.

"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl.

"My Mom'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied the little boy.

"I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across."

"That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same thing with my suit."

So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet.

They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked, "You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and a Catholic."

[Krandall]

el oh el

[phucker]

Little Johnny Joke

All the kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend
assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30" she
said proudly, "My
sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I
credit that approach
for my obvious success."

"Very good" said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I
explained to
everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny" said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on
the teacher's desk.

"$2,467" he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

Toothbrushes" said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes
to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town" said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand,
I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!"

Then I would say, "It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

I used the President Obama method of giving you something shitty, dressing it up
so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to
get the bad taste
out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his heart...

[phucker]

Old, and still funny.PECANS IN THE CEMETERY On the outskirts of a small town there was a big old pecan tree justinside the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful ofnuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, hethought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down toinvestigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one foryou, one for me ...' He just knew what it was. He jumped back on hisbike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane,hobbling along.'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satanand the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!' The mansaid, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boyinsisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you,one for me.' The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me thetruth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unableto see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron barsof the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of theLord.At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's goget those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid onthe bike passed him.

[Magz]

A little girl asks her mom, 'Mom, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'

Her mom replies 'No, because she is in heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in the heat, and to come ask you.'

He took a rag, soaked it in gas, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..

Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

[phucker]

LOL

[Krandall]

"Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way: Prices and participation may vary. I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. 'Cheeseburgers? Nope! We got spaghetti and blankets.'" -Mitch Hedberg


RIP Mitch Hedberg

[disco]

Panda walks into a restaurant and orders some food.  Eats everything on the plate and before he gets the ticket, whips out a gun and shoots the place up, then strolls out the door.  The waiter comes up, "what's going on?  was the food bad?  what the heck?"  Panda says, "I'm a panda, dude.  Look it up."  And walks out the door.  The waiter is confused and pulls out his phone and goes googles "Panda" and reads, "eats chutes and leaves."  <-read aloud.   

[dragonz]

Kiwi guy goes to a girls place one night, that he had been chatting up.
She serves him a nice dinner & he eats everything in site,
They go to bed, & he screws her 6ways from wednesday, & blows his load all over her.
Then gets up & walks out.
"Why are you leaving so soon?" she asked

"I'm a Kiwi" he replied, look it up

She googled it & found
"A nocturnal animal that eats roots shoots and leaves"

[Peelz]

Dragonz...youll have to explain the Facebook photo on your wall....belonged to someone else  you are lucky I couldnt steal it for some reason... 

two nekkid doodz, one holding the other one up while doing splits....and in your comment, you say its magnificent art..."athletic prowess" or something... 

busted 

[dragonz]

Dragonz...youll have to explain the Facebook photo on your wall....belonged to someone else  you are lucky I couldnt steal it for some reason... 

two nekkid doodz, one holding the other one up while doing splits....and in your comment, you say its magnificent art..."athletic prowess" or something... 

busted 

The one on the top is a woman............!
KMHA

[dragonz]

Dragonz...youll have to explain the Facebook photo on your wall....belonged to someone else  you are lucky I couldnt steal it for some reason... 

two nekkid doodz, one holding the other one up while doing splits....and in your comment, you say its magnificent art..."athletic prowess" or something... 

busted 

The one on the top is a woman............!
KMHA

Just for you Peelz, here is said picture, & note the shape of the ass & lack of dangly bits. The woman is a friend of a friend of mine. Professional dancer/gymnast
2nd shot is also her................

[Hefe]

wow.. nice ass.... he must work out!