Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?

A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

[Krandall]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

Before the bartender can answer, the guy next to him replies in a hushed voice, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender and the bouncer are both blondes. I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound, black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a 6-foot, 225-pound rugby player. The guy to your right is 6-foot five inches, is pushing 300 pounds and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is also blonde. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[Magz]

One day a biker dies and finds himself in hell.

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first
meeting with the devil...

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Biker : "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a
lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

Biker : "Sure, I love to drink."

Satan: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then.
On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey,
tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca.
We drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some
more! And you don't have to worry about getting
a hangover, because you're dead anyway."

Biker : "Gee that sounds great!"

Satan: "You a smoker?"

Biker : "You better believe it."

Satan: "All right!

You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs
out. If you get cancer, no biggie, you're already dead,
remember?"

Biker : "Wow...that's awesome!"

Satan: "I bet you like to gamble."

Biker : "Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do."
Satan: "Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble
all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots,
whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're
dead anyhow."

Biker : "Cool!"

Satan: "What about Drugs?"


Biker : "Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...?"
Satan: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself
to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie
the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you
want. You're dead so who cares."
Biker : "Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Satan: "You gay?"

Biker : "No friggin way.."

Satan: "Ooooooooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough!"

[Krandall]

 

[Magz]

Boy: Dad, what's politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don't understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.

The next day...

Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government's fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!

[Magz]

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.

"What is it?" exclaims the President.

"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?"

"Just go ahead and pay it."

[Peelz]

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.

"What is it?" exclaims the President.

"It's the Abortion Bill, Mr. President - what do you want to do about it?"

"Just go ahead and pay it."

[Magz]

Lady, Your Duck is Dead--

A woman brought a very limp duck in to a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150." 

[Krandall]

[Krandall]

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," responded the minister, "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed.

"Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"GERD!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

[Hefe]

 



For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

Not fair to make judgment of this, until you see what the Fire Chief says!!

In South Los Angeles, a 4-plex home was destroyed by a fire.



A Mexican family of six, all welfare recipients and gang members,

lived on the first floor, they died.


An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Nigeria lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.

6 LA, Hispanic, Gang Bangers, & ex-cons, lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died.

A lone, white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.

 

Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious!!

They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera.

They loudly demanded to know, why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics, all died in the fire and why only the White couple lived?




The Fire Chief said, "They were at work".

[Colorado700R]

[Peelz]

Jeff.

I just peed my pants


thank you sir. 

[Hefe]

it happens as you get older Peels... get used to it

[Peelz]

I'm trying....it just happens at inopportune moments