Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

 

[FoundArealQuad]

A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.

He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.

"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.

Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"

The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"

[BRAD]

  good one man

[Out Back Welding]

lol, buuuuuurnnn

[Krandall]

 

[FoundArealQuad]

one day in class a teacher asked her students, "how do you think you get into heaven?" One little girl, "replied i think you go legs first." Another little girl replied, "well i think you go head up first." Well the teacher saw that little johnny had his hand up so she asked him what he had to say. Johnny replied, " I think you go legs up first because i walked in my parents room the other night and my moms legs were up in the air and she was screaming oh GERD I'm cumming."

[BRAD]

good one man

[Peelz]

[Out Back Welding]

 

[blueyamaha]

lol, buuuuuurnnn

Love the look of your truck I need to see more! Post more pics in the members rides section!

[AJ RAPTOR]

               ONE DAY, IN LINE AT THE COMPANY CAFETERIA, BOB SAYS TO MIKE BEHIND HIM,"MY ELBOW HURTS LIKE THE DICKENS! I GUESS I HAD BETTER SEE A DOCTOR"

               "LISTEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND THAT KIND OF MONEY" MIKE REPLIES.

                "THERE'S A DIAGNOSTIC COMPUTER DOWN AT WAL-MART. JUST GIVE IT A URINE SAMPLE AND THE COMPUTER WILL TELL YOU WHAT'S WRONG AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

              " IT TAKES TEN SECONDS AND COSTS 10 DOLLARS - A LOT CHEAPER THAN A DOCTOR."

               SO, BOB DEPOSITS A URINE SAMPLE IN A SMALL JAR AND TAKES IT TO WAL-MART.

               HE DEPOSITS 10 DOLLARS, AND THE COMPUTER LIGHTS UP AND ASKS FOR THE URINE SAMPLE. HE POURS THE SAMPLE INTO THE SLOT AND WAITS.

               10 SECONDS LATER, THE COMPUTER EJECTS A PRINTOUT:"YOU HAVE TENNIS ELBOW. SOAK YOUR ARM IN WARM WATER AND EPSOM SALTS FOUND ON AISLE 2. AVOID HEAVY ACTIVITY.  IT WILL IMPROVE IN 2 WEEKS. THANKS FOR SHOPPING @ WAL-MART."

               THAT EVENING, WHILE THINKING HOW AMAZING THIS NEW TECHNOLOGY WAS, BOB BEGAN WONDERING IF THE COMPUTER COULD BE FOOLED.

               HE MIXED SOME TAP WATER, A  STOOL SAMPLE FROM HIS DOG, URINE SAMPLES FROM HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER, AND A SPERM SAMPLE FOR GOOD MEASURE.

               BOB HURRIES BACK TO WAL-MART, EAGER TO CHECK THE RESULTS. HE DEPOSITS  10 DOLLARS, POURS IN HIS CONCOCTION, AND AWAITS THE RESULTS.

               THE COMPUTER PRINTS THE FOLLOWING: 1. YOUR TAP WATER IS TOO HARD, GET A WATER SOFTENER ( AISLE 9 ); 2. YOUR DOG HAS RINGWORM. BATHE HIM WITH ANTI-FUNGAL SHAMPOO. ( AISLE 7 ); 3. YOUR DAUGHTER HAS A COCAINE HABIT. GET HER INTO REHAB: 4. YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT. TWINS. THEY AREN'T YOURS. GET A LAWYER : 5. IF YOU DON'T STOP PLAYING WITH YOURSELF, YOUR ELBOW WILL NEVER GET BETTER!!!! THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT WAL-MART!!!!!!

[disco]

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare.  I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent.  We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.  Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.  You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips, too.  You will have to satisfy all of her sexual urges.  You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage.  The starting salary is $200,000 a year..."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bull****tin' me !!!!"

The social worker says, "Yeah...well...you started it..."

[disco]

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's Fart Football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score!"

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Extra point, I lead 15 to 14." Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, "What the heck was that!?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."

[BRAD]

disco.  thats some funny shit man

[AJ RAPTOR]

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.' 

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ' Good morning , Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' 

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. 

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' 

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' 

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.' 

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 

'Oh, my GERD!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'


Mrs. Smith fainted