Post some good jokes here!!!!

[NaturalRaptor]

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

[NaturalRaptor]

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

[NaturalRaptor]

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

 

[BRAD]

good ones natural especially affiars 4 and 5

[darkside94]

good ones natural especially affiars 4 and 5

they were all good
brad just didnt want to admit 6 was good because i think he was scared of his gf
haha jk brad let the poison flow through your body 

[NaturalRaptor]

Thanks guys gotta share the good ones. Anytime I need a laugh it is good to go thru the pages of this thread.   

[BRAD]

here is the simplest joke you will ever hear in your life






Chuck Norris

[Krandall]

Chuck Norris is no joke...

[Peelz]

  this one brightened my day.


A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 40th
> wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
>
>     Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
>
>     She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
> loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
>
>     The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
> darling husband.'
>
>     The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the
> Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
>

>     The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic,
> but an oppo rtunity like this will never come again.
>
>     I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger
> than me.'
>
>     The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
>  wish.
>
>     So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92
> years old.
>      The moral of this story:
>     Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.

[Krandall]

 

[Colorado700R]

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan .

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

[Krandall]

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan .

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

That's awesome! 

[kyledvor61]

those are awesome Natural

[Peelz]

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan .

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Also: "How do you look in a trenchcoat?"

[BRAD]

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.

Got a freakin' call center in Pakistan .

I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Also: "How do you look in a trenchcoat?"

thats great man