Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Bert]

I was watching some porn yesterday & saw Peels sex tape. I saw that he had a Huge cock
in his mouth 

[Lady4Fiddy]

I was watching some porn yesterday & saw Peels sex tape. I saw that he had a Huge cock
in his mouth 

SHOCKING! <sarcasm> 

[Krandall]

A man offers a girl in his office $1,000 to sleep with him. "I'll put the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be done by the time you pick it up," he explains.

The girl consults her boyfriend who advises her to go ahead but to pick up the money really fast. Having not heard anything for an hour, the boyfriend calls her back.

"I can hardly walk, let alone make a phone call," the girl says.

"What happened?" her boyfriend asks anxiously.

"He used Quarters"

[Peelz]

I was watching some porn yesterday & saw Peels sex tape. I saw that he had a Huge cock
in his mouth 

wtf bert?

[Krandall]

I was watching some porn yesterday & saw Peels sex tape. I saw that he had a Huge cock
in his mouth 

wtf bert?

[Krandall]

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's five-year-old daughter took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks and gave her little jobs to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that they take her "pay" to the bank. When they got to the bank, the teller asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied: "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller. "And will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

To which the little girl replied: "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the goddamn sheetrock."

[Spartan]

I had just come out of the store with two porterhouse steaks, a jumbo sausage, a bag of chips, and a 6-pack of beer.  A homeless man sat there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days."  I told him, "I wish I had your will power." 

Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.  I appear in court next Monday.

A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time. She said, 'sorry about the wait.' I said, 'don't worry about it, you're bound to lose it eventually.' 

I was behind a rather large woman at the checkout. She had on a pair of jeans that said, 'Guess.'  I said, "I don't know........maybe 350 pounds." 

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fat chance with a face like that!" 

I have a new pick up line that works every time!  It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and I always end up in bed with them.  Here's how it goes, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?  Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?" 

Years ago it was suggested 'that an apple a day kept the doctor away.' But since many doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best.

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans were not the correct answers. 

[Krandall]

[Bert]

I was watching some porn yesterday & saw Peels sex tape. I saw that he had a Huge cock
in his mouth 

wtf bert?

 
thought you would be the one to not get mad, just a joke.

[Krandall]

well.. I thought it was funny!

[Peelz]

I was watching some porn yesterday & saw Peels sex tape. I saw that he had a Huge cock
in his mouth 

wtf bert?

 
thought you would be the one to not get mad, just a joke.

no anger buddy

[Spartan]

stimulus spending

FYI
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,Honduras, and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer, or
5) Tattoos
These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.

Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard
sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

[Spartan]

An 18 year old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami , and a $1,000,000 bank account."

"If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.

"However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?"

All ferklemt at this point, the mother, who had remained silent until now, placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"So, you'll try again"

[Krandall]

A man is walking along the beach when he discovers a strange bottle. He rubs it and a genie comes out and promises to grant him one wish.

The man thinks about it for a moment and says: "My wish is for peace in the Middle East."

The genie looks concerned and then says: "I'm sorry, but that's just not possible. Some things can't be changed. Do you have another wish?"

The guy says, 'Well, for my whole life, I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish."

The genie pauses for another moment and then says: "How would you define 'peace'?"

[Magz]

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.


The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.




The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.





Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.


Men are like that, you know.


And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them