Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Magz]

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive .


So the Minister asked the congregation -

What did you learn from this demonstration?


A lady sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

AMEN!

[Magz]

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a girl about
to jump off a bridge so he stops. "What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an
opportunity so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a
Kiss?"

She does. A long, deep, passionate kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I
have ever had.
That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous. Why are you
committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

[Krandall]

Your last one I posted a few days ago




A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster announces that six Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident.

The blonde starts sobbing uncontrollably.

Confused, her husband says: "It is sad, but they were skydiving. There were risks involved."

"I know," the blonde says. "But how many is a Brazilian?"

[Spartan]

[Krandall]

A famous cardiologist died, and everyone was gathered at his funeral. His coffin was displayed in front of a huge model heart.

When the minister finished his sermon and everyone said their goodbyes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment, one of the mourners started laughing.

The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

The mourner said: "Well, I was just thinking about my own funeral."

The man asked: "Well, what's so funny about that?"

And the mourner said: "I'm a gynecologist."

[Lady4Fiddy]

A Yankee walks into a  bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan.

The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?"

"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."

The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"

"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."

The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

[Mad Dog]

Thanks to PuckerBrush for this one:



What does a 9 volt battery and a Woman's butthole have in common?


Eventually, even though you know its wrong, you'll touch your tongue to it.

[Spartan]

true

[Krandall]

Thanks to PuckerBrush for this one:



What does a 9 volt battery and a Woman's butthole have in common?


Eventually, even though you know its wrong, you'll touch your tongue to it.

[Colorado700R]

1st woman:    Hi! Wanda.

           

            2nd woman:   Hi! Sylvia.  How'd you die?

           

            1st woman:    I froze to death..

           

            2nd woman:   How horrible!

           

            1st woman:    It wasn't so bad.... After I quit  shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

           

            2nd woman:   I died of a  massive heart attack I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.   But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

           

            1st woman:    So, what happened?

           

            2nd woman:   I was so sure there was another woman  there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.  Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.  I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

           

            1st woman:   Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[Krandall]

 

[Magz]

LOL

[Krandall]

A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.

"Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. He told the farmer his story.

"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer.

"Yes, yes," the man replied.

"Oh, I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

[Krandall]

Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a "Help Wanted" ad for an accountant. He was interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I will start you at $85,000."

"$85,000!!!" the young accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

[Krandall]

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.

He says: "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies: "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars.

The little boy says: "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies: "I know. That's from your Grandma."