Post some good jokes here!!!!

[AJ RAPTOR]

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.

They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in h is room, and he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the w rong address.

Meanwhile....somewhere in Houston ....a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
< BR> ;He was a Minister who was called home to
glory after suffering a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then
glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2004
Subject: I have Arrived!

Dearest Love:

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in.

I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS ....... Sure is hot down here!!

[dick-84]

LMFAO! That is great!

[Hefe]

there are multiple things wrong with that statement, but yea.. the stimulus thing is overdone!

[Krandall]

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot. Looking up to heaven, he said: "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking spot suddenly appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said: "Never mind, I found one."

[Spider/Paleface513]

Lol

[Lady4Fiddy]

^

[Gunz]

Funyun

[AJ RAPTOR]

Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Toronto when this huge,
burly American guy walks in.  As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the
neck knocking him to the floor.
The big, burly Yank says, "That's a karate chop from Korea."
Well, the little Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.
The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. 
That's a judo chop from Japan", he says.
The little Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves.
A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the bar.
He walks up behind him and whacks him on the head, knocking him out.
The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a
fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."

[Busby]

Happy Valentines day guys & gals

A  man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when  another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man  looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on  the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the  Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing  dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show  you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took  off , and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, 'Watch  this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'..

Sniffer  jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully  next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his  seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said,  'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in  possession of marijuana,
I'm making a note of her seat number  and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's  pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman  sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffed about, sat down  beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he  placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is  carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for  the police.'

'I like it !' said his seat mate.

The  Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up  and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then  came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded  to shit all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by  this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog  would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on  ?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their underpants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, love,' he replied.


"I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15"

[Peelz]

who da hell is dis guy? ^^^^

good one busby!

[Krandall]

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a computer and an adding machine.

The man, quite reluctant to become a typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.

"That's fine," he said: "Report for work at 8:00 tomorrow."

"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked.

The sergeant grinned. "That's not necessary," he replied: "You passed the test when you sat down at the computer instead of the adding machine."

[funyun]

[dragonz]

Doh!

[Krandall]

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began: "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know," the doctor interrupted, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder: "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in your pregnancy."

"No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed: "He wants to know if I can still shovel the driveway."

[Busby]

who da hell is dis guy? ^^^^

good one busby!

Yes peels unfortunaley i am still alive and breathing. 

------------------

Why You Should Never, Ever, Question A Drunk...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

  As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'
  I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
  Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'
  The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.