Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

[Colorado700R]

I received a parrot as an early Christmas gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

I, in desperation, threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet.  Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that I had hurt the parrot, I quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.  I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'

I  was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. 



As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued....


........."May I inquire as to what the turkey did?'

~ Happy Thanksgiving to all

[Krandall]

 

[BRAD]

friggin grate Aaron

[Peelz]

friggin grate Aaron

grate like grating cheese...or great as in good? 

HI   

[who else but rk]

dont mean to offend anyone but i love this joke

what do you call a mexican baby being baptized?





























BEAN DIP!

[Peelz]

no offense taken....

[BRAD]

friggin grate Aaron

grate like grating cheese...or great as in good? 

HI   

damnit peels! give me a break

[Peelz]

friggin grate Aaron

grate like grating cheese...or great as in good? 

HI   

damnit peels! give me a break

ok maybe for awhile.....

[Flynbyu]

A Filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party  around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in  my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
 
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.
 
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
 
Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 

No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' 

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the Sumbich who pushed me in the pool!'

~Brian

[Peelz]

^^^^^

hilarious!

[BRAD]

great one Brian

[Krandall]

 

[who else but rk]

A Filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party  around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in  my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
 
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.
 
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
 
Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.' 

No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?'

No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?' 

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the Sumbich who pushed me in the pool!'

~Brian

hasnt this one been posted in this thread......

[Flynbyu]

I don't know. I got it in an email today.

~Brian