Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Peelz]

google mischief 

https://www.google.com/maps/place/33%C2%B030'52.5%22N+73%C2%B003'33.2%22E/@33.5169848,73.0597719,15z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x0:0x0?hl=en

holy crap thats hilarious!

but why pakistan? 

[Krandall]

Because it'd take forever for someone to notice it?



who's google mapping something in pakistan>!

[Peelz]

Because it'd take forever for someone to notice it?



who's google mapping something in pakistan>!

GOOD POINT! Im dyin. lol

[Mad Dog]

Don't see it.

[Krandall]

this is what it was MD

[Mad Dog]

nice, thx

[Krandall]

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

[Peelz]

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.
The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

growing a mustache. wearing hawaiian shirts, then attempting this pickup line. 

[Krandall]

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.
"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that however, you're free to choose where you want to spend eternity!"
"Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell??" says the politician. "Them's the rules" Says St Peter, clicks his fingers, and WOOMPH, the guy dissapears... And awakes, curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he's in Hell. Cautiously, he listens for the screams, sniffs the air for brimstone, and finds... Nothing. Just the smell of, is that fabric softener? And cut grass, this can't be right?
"Open your eyes!" says a voice. "C'mon, wakey wakey, we've only got 24 hours!". Nervously, he uncovers his eyes, looks around, and sees he's in a hotel room. A nice one too. Wait, this is a penthouse suite... And there's a smiling man in a suit, holding a martini. "Who are you??" The politician asks. "Well, I'm Satan!" says the man, handing him the drink and helping him to his feet. "Welcome to Hell!" "Wait, this is Hell? But... Where's all the pain and suffering?" he asks. Satan throws him a wink. "Oh, we've been a bit mis-represented over the years, it's a long story. Anyway, this is your room! The minibar is of course free, as is the room service, there's extra towels next to the hot-tub, and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this! It's a beautiful day, and if you'd care to look outside..." Slightly stunned by the opulent surroundings, the man wanders over to the floor-to-ceiling windows through which the sun is glowing, looks far down, and sees a group of people cheering and waving at him from a golf course. "It's one of 5 pro-level courses on site, and there's another 6 just a few minutes drive out past the beach and harbour!" says Satan, answering his unasked question. So they head down in the lift, walk out through the glittering lobby where everyone waves and welcomes the man, as Satan signs autographs and cherrily talks shop with the laughing staff. And as he walks out, he sees the group on the golf course are made up of every one of his old friends, people he's admired for years but never met or worked with, and people whose work he's admired but died long before his career started. And out of the middle of this group walks his wife, with a massive smile and the body she had when she was 20, who throws her arms around him and plants a delicate kiss on his cheek. Everyone cheers and applauds, and as they slap him on the back and trade jokes, his worst enemy arrives, as a 2 foot tall goblin-esque caddy. He spends the day in the bright sunshine on the course, having the time of his life laughing at jokes and carrying important discussions, putting the world to rights with his friends while holding his delighted wife next to him as she gazes lovingly at him. Later, they return to the hotel for dinner and have an enormous meal, perfectly cooked, which descends into a food-fight when someone accidentally throws a bread roll at the next table (where Ghandi is having a game of truth-or-dare with Marylin Monroe). As everyone is falling about laughing and flinging breadsticks at each other, his wife whispers in his ear... And they return to their penthouse suite, and spend the rest of the night making love like they did on their honeymoon. After 6 hours of intense passion, the man falls deep into the 100% Egyptian cotton pillows, and falls into a deep and happy sleep... And is woken up by St Peter. "So, that was Hell. Wasn't what you were expecting, I bet?" "No sir!" says the man. "So then" says St Peter "you can make your choice. It's Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to GERD, white robes, and so on". "Well... I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I'd prefer Hell" says the politician. "Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!" Says St Peter, and clicks his fingers again.
The man wakes up in total darkness, the stench of ammonia filling the air and distant screams the only noise. As he adjusts, he can see the only light is from belches of flame far away, illuminating the ragged remains of people being tortured or burning in a sulphurous ocean. A sudden bolt of lightning reveals Satan next to him, wearing the same suit as before and grinning, holding a soldering iron in one hand and a coil of razor-wire in the other. "What's this??" He cries. "Where's the hotel?? Where's my wife??? Where's the minibar, the golf-courses, the pool, the restaurant, the free drinks and the sunshine???"
"Ah", says Satan. "You see, yesterday, we were campaigning. But today, you voted..."

[Peelz]

  priceless.

[Hefe]

Just got back from the dr.
The exam was going well... or so I thought
BUT then she advised me that I should quit masturbating..
WHY? of course I asked her....
"Because you're shaking the table, and I'm trying to examine you"

bitch!

[Krandall]

Just got back from the dr.
The exam was going well... or so I thought
BUT then she advised me that I should quit masturbating..
WHY? of course I asked her....
"Because you're shaking the table, and I'm trying to examine you"

bitch!

[Peelz]

 

fan-tastic

[Krandall]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddybears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It's obvious that he has taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them. She's immediately touched by the amount of thought he put into organizing the display.
There are small bears all alongThe bottom shelf, Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and Huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She finds it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of teddy bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but don't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking. After awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my GERD! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.
He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom, where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

[Peelz]

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together..
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddybears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It's obvious that he has taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them. She's immediately touched by the amount of thought he put into organizing the display.
There are small bears all alongThe bottom shelf, Medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and Huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She finds it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of teddy bears. She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but don't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking. After awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my GERD! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?"
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.
He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom, where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'