Post some good jokes here!!!!

[BRAD]

Oh I get it now. We don't talk that bad around here

[Peelz]

What the hell Peels?  I dnt have a clue what they are saying.

First: "MR DUX"
Em Are Ducks
Them Are Ducks

Second: "MR NO DUX"
Em Not Ducks
Them Not Ducks

"OSAR"
Oh Es Ay Are
Oh Yes they are

"CDEDBD wings"
See Dee EE Dee Bee Dee Wings
See The itty bitty wings

thanks Krandall, do you find it as funny as me that B-rad did not get it.

[Krandall]

YES!!!! it's his language... must be the whole illiterate thing.

[BRAD]

Assholes.  

That must be tennessee language

[Busby]

BEEP BEEP Quick pitstop joke & hope you are all doing good

LAST CHILD SUPPORT CHECK!!!
Today be my baby girl 18th birthday.   
I be so glad that dis be my last child support payment!
Month after month, year after year, all  dose  payments!   
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my  house,
and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl,
I want you to take dis check over to yo momma house
and tell her dis be the last check she ever be gettin' from me,
and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama face."
So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma.
I be anxious to  hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.
Baby girl walk through the door, I say,

"Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"
She  say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .

[Krandall]

The Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation -- no one wanted him to leave.

Soren, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands up and proclaims, "If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every two years, and his wife with a Chevy minivan to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds. Not to be outdone, his brother Magnus, who owns several rental houses in town, stands and says, "If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll let him and his family stay rent free in one of my rental houses, right down the block!"

More sighs and loud applause. Lena, now age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!"

There is total silence until finally the Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Lena, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Lena's 90-year-old husband, Ole, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side. Lena smiles broadly and replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Screw the preacher!'"

[Flynbyu]

^^^^That's f*cking great!!!!^^^^

~Brian

[Krandall]

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for GERD's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"

[kyledvor61]

f*ckin awesome

[Krandall]

Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.

So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.

After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.

The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"

The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch."

The first man asked, "How's that?" "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast.....she farted and flew out the window!"

[BRAD]

good ones you guys

[Flynbyu]

+1

Good ones!

~Brian

[Warren]

i copy and pasted these from my email that my girlfriend sent me. 


One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
>dressed
> >>> in
> >>>            a very Sexy
> >>>            nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
> >>> you
> >>>            want."
> >>>            So he tied her up and went golfing.
> >>>
> >>>            **************************************************
> >>>
> >>>            A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway,
>and
> >>>            ran into the
> >>>             house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
> >>>            lungs, "Honey,
> >>>             pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
> >>>             The husband said, "Oh my GERD! What should I pack, beach
> >>> stuff
> >>>            or mountain
> >>>            stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
> >>>            **************************************************
> >>>            Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
> >>> right,
> >>>            and the
> >>>            other is a husband.
> >>>            **************************************************
> >>>            A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
>l!
> >>>            ice nse. First,
> >>>            of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
> >>>            showed him a card
> >>>            with the letters:
> >>>            'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> >>>               "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> >>>            "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
> >>>            **************************************************
> >>>
> >>>            Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to
> >>> them,
> >>>            "I must tell
> >>>             you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
> >>>            convent."
> >>>             "Thank GERD," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so
>tired
> >>> of
> >>>            chardonnay."
> >>>            **************************************************
> >>>             A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
>husband.
> >>>             Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> >>>             "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh
>my
> >>>            GERD!
> >>>             You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
> >>>             THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GERD! WHERE are
> >>>             we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to! S TICK!
> >>>             Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
> >>>             to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! 
>Are
> >>>            you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt
> >>> them.
> >>>            You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
> >>>             USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
> >>>             The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with
> >>> you?
> >>>             You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> >>>             The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
> >>>             what it feels like when I'm driving."
> >>>            **************************************************
> >>>
> >>>            Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina
>mountain
> >>>            man, was
> >>>             drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training,
>the
> >>>            Army issued ! him a c omb.
> >>>             That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> >>>             On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> >>>             That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> >>>             On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap
> >>>             The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

[Warren]

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a

series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems

extremely upset.



Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom,

he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.  He

suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond

his ability to remain rational.



In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up

the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.



A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets

landed on him.  He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms

violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with

the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.



As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet,

staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely

containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up

and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"



The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the

SHIT out of a ghost."

[Krandall]