Post some good jokes here!!!!

[BRAD]

ok heres the last one i got from here.

I asked Santa for a condom, I got 3
I aksed for a dollar, I got 10
I asked for a Ho, and i got this number


all these are txt message jokes.

[Busby]

REDNECKS VACATION

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, 'Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas , and Earlene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnantagain.'


Luther asks Billy Bob, 'So, what you gonna do this year that's different?'


Billy Bob says, 'This year I'm taking Earlene with me.

[darkside94]

hahah that was pretty goog

[BRAD]

good one Busby

[darkside94]

You Might Be A Redneck If...

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You think GERD looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.

Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.

Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin'.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You think genitalia is an Italian airline.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.

You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.

[Busby]

Three fairies representing three political parties appeared one day to a refugee claimant outside the Toronto immigration offices
'My good man,' the Liberal fairy said, 'On behalf of the Liberal Party of Canada I want to grant you one of three wishes, since you just arrived in Canada with your wife and three children.'

The man told the fairy. 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and -- PING! -- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth
'What else do you need to get your fair share?' asked the NDP fairy, The refugee claimant now got bolder. 'I need a big house with a three car garage in Oakville with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here..

' PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an  upscale nighbourhood.

'One more wish is yours from the citizens of Canada', said the Conservative fairy, waving her wand.

'Yes, one more wish is mine, I want to be like a real Canadian. With Canadian clothes instead of manjams, and a baseball cap instead of this turban. And I want to have all the benefits of citizenship like Canadians.

' PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Blue Jays T-shirt and a Maple Leaf baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and  the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed.      

'Where is my new house?'
 

The Conservative fairy said 'Tough luck with that last wish Mac, Now that you are no longer a refugee, you have to fend for yourself like the rest of us Canadians.'

Don't you just love happy endings?....

[Busby]

LOL nice 1 dark

[darkside94]

You might be a redneck if....
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
LMAO 

[darkside94]

Incest is the best, put your cousin to the test.

[Busby]

  thats just wrong.

[Busby]

MORNING SEX

Brian woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed.
His wife, Lisa, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, Brian called his little boy into the room and asked him to
'take this note to your beautiful Mummy.'

The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
To Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Lisa, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to 'take this to your silly daddy.'

The note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

Brian read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.

Then, he asked his son to take it back to 'the lady in the kitchen.'

The note read:

The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Laughing, Lisa answered the note and then asked her son to take this to 'the poor dude upstairs.'

The note read:
I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
Do It By Hand !

[BRAD]

thats great Busby

[Busby]

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said,

'Honey, tell me something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time.'

She said ...'You have the biggest dick of all your friends

[darkside94]

   

[BRAD]

the guy asked for it.

well guys im oughta here. the g/f just called wanting me to come up. so looks like i better get ready to do some ass kissin when i get there