Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

[Krandall]

An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer.

Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff.

The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?"

"Why, yes, I do," he replied.

"What does it smell like?" she asked.

"Hmmm, I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone crapped in a pine tree."

[Peelz]

 

yeah....farts cant be hidden

[rookie]

 

[Krandall]

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!" his ex-wife replies.

The next day the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does the same thing everyday for a week, until finally his ex-wife realizes who

it is that keeps calling.

"Look, bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story!" she erupts, "Don't you understand?"

"Oh, I do, I do," he says, "I just can't hear it enough!"

[phucker]

one day phucker decides to go out hunting for bear, he hears about this absolutely huge bear in canada that has been terrorizing the local hunters.  Phucker being awefully competitive decides he would show the canuk hunters a thing or two about how to hunt.  He packs his best hunting rifle and fly's out to Canada.  The next day while hunting he spots the bear, lines it up in his scope and "bang!" sees the bear fall and goes to walk up to where it falls.  While looking arround he feels this tapping on his shoulder and turns arround to see this monsterous bear standing there.  The bear feels sorry for the poor american and gives phucker 2 choices, i can either maul you to death or you can bend over and take it in the ass.  Well phucker drops his pants and grabs his ankles.  The next day phucker has his AR16 sent from the states, Phucker being smug figures he is gonna get this bear for sure now.  While hunting he sees the bear again, lines him up and "rat a tat tat!!!", see the bear drop and walks up to where he saw the bear fall, all of a sudden Phucker feels a familiar tapping on the shoulder and turns arround.  The bear then states "you know the drill" and Phucker drops his pants and grabs his ankles.  Kamakazi finds out about the turn of events and laughs and Phucker uncontrolably, Phucker being humiliated contacts aaron and has a rocket launcher smuggled in, "im gonna get that SOB now".  The next day Phucker sees the bear again, lines it up in the cross hairs and "fsssssssttt, BOOOOOM!", He walks up to where the pieces of the bear should have been and feels and all too familiar tap on the shoulder.  the bear says " your arent in this for the hunting are you" 

i totally disagree, i would never take an ar15 bear hunting, other than that keep your fantasies to you self. i think you need to strap on your velcro boots and go visit the sheep pen.

[Krandall]

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl.

"I'm so sorry, Auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!" he says.

"That's OK, dearie," the aunt replies, "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."

[Hefe]

I just got off the phone with Lydia. She said that, since early this morning, the snow has been nearly waist-high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near-gale force. Randy has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

[dragonz]

 

[Krandall]

Cindy was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she said to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?"

"You'll know tonight," her husband replied, smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the bells were chiming, Cindy's husband approached her and handed Cindy a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: The Meaning of Dreams.

[Krandall]

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
...

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end.

[Peelz]

 

[Hefe]

ERMAHGERD... I have tears... it is such a touching story!

[russ-russ]

Best


story


ever.


Too bad it's a total fairy tail.

[Krandall]

Airplane passengers watched nervously as two men wearing pilot uniforms and dark glasses used canes to feel their way into the cockpit. Minutes later, the plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers soon begin laughing in relief, assuming it was all a joke.

"You know," says one pilot to the other, "one day they're gonna scream too late, and we're all gonna die."