Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

[Bert]

What do you call a Herd of Unicorns?
A miracle. Unicorns aren't real. Dah !


How many pairs of animals did Moses bring on the Arc with him?
None, Noah had the Arc. (be surprised how many people you'll get on this one)

[Krandall]

not really sure this is a joke..
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said: "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, a big bed and a big-screen plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

But my wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she'd make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.

[Colorado700R]

[dragonz]

 Did you hear about the obese alcoholic transvestite ?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary..........................

[Peelz]

Did you hear about the obese alcoholic transvestite ?

ahhh Preddy08. yeah Ive heard of him

[dragonz]

Did you hear about the obese alcoholic transvestite ?

ahhh Preddy08. yeah Ive heard of him

[Krandall]

[Krandall]

After being married for almost 60 years, an 85-year-old couple dies in a car crash. They had been in good health for the last decade, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising.

When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter takes them to their mansion, which is adorned with a beautiful kitchen, a master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they look around, the husband asks St. Peter how much all this is going to cost.

"It's free," St. Peter replies. "This is Heaven."

Next, they go out into the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course the house is located on. They will have daily golfing privileges, and each week the course changes to a new one based on the Earth's great golf courses. The husband asks: "What are the green fees?"

St. Peter replies: "This is Heaven, you play for free."

Next, they go to the clubhouse and see the lavish buffet lunch where all the cuisines of the world are laid out. "How much to eat?" asks the husband.

"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replies, with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the husband asks timidly.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replies. "You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that, the old man goes into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.

St. Peter and the man's wife both try to calm him down. They ask him what's wrong.

The old man looks at his wife and says: "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"

[dragonz]

Teacher is in class and thinks to himself, I am finally going to get this little Johnny fella once and for all ....

Teacher then asks Johnny the following questions.
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have ?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Irritated Teacher: No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2 apples, how many will you have?
Johnny: Six, Sir.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2 cats, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Very angry Teacher: Where  do you get seven from?
Johnny: Because I've already got a cat at home, Sir !

[Krandall]

[disco]

Comcast Internet.  <- there's your joke.

[Peelz]

Comcast Internet.  <- there's your joke.

i got a better one.


NFL football

[phucker]

ive got a better one futbol... or however you spell soccer. ghey

[phucker]

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the oldman. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his role as our president. The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'. The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain "Yo...u know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of knucklehead put him up there to begin with."