Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Peelz]

What is the diference between a drug dealer and a whore?

Drug dealers can't wash out their crack and re-sell it

[Krandall]

There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said: "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said: "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said: "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked: "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said: "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

[Hefe]

^^^ oldie, but still a good one

[Krandall]

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The guy sits at the bar and starts talking to the bartender. While they're talking, the monkey walks over to the pool table and eats one of the pool balls. The bartender says to the guy:

"What's wrong with your monkey? He just ate one of the pool balls!"

The guy replies: "I can't help it. He eats anything and everything, and there doesn't seem to be a thing I can do to stop it."

He then picks up the monkey and leaves. A few days later, the guy shows up at the bar and again, he has the monkey with him. This time, the monkey sits down at the bar, grabs a peanut from a dish, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it back out and eats it. The bartender says to the guy: "What the heck is he doing now?"

The guy answers: "He still eats pretty much everything, but after the ball incident a few days ago, he checks to make sure it will fit before he eats it."

[Krandall]

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

A. You cry when you cut up an onion.

[Hefe]

that monkey joke is one my fav's

[Krandall]

A redneck wins the lottery and goes to Austin to claim his winnings. The man behind the counter verifies the redneck's ticket number and the redneck says: "I want my $20 million. Where is it?"

The man behind the counter replies: "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The redneck says: "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The redneck, furious with the man, screams out: "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 million dollars right now, then I want my dollar back!"

[Hefe]

seems only fair

[Colorado700R]

A precious little girl walks into a petsmart shop and asks,  in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's  on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,  or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her  hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,  "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

[Hefe]

[Krandall]

Awesome!!

[Hefe]

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

[Peelz]

laughing quietly.

[Hefe]

I am a huge fan of stupid jokes..

[Krandall]