New Words for 2008

[dragonz]

International Rules Of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

14: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

15: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

16: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

17: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

18: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

20: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

21: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

22: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

23: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

24: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion.

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

[dragonz]

What is Australia like.

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The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.







Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.



Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.



Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles; take lots of water.



Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.



Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?



Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.



Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.



Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.



Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?



Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.



Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gumtrees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.



Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.



Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.



Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

You see why we don't like the aussies much?!

[exentix]

thats great! 

[Krandall]

23: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.


That's awesome!!!!!


And perth to Sydney.. would take FOREVER

Perth is on my list for next winter.

Phil what part of NZ are you in?

[Peelz]

haha dragonz. saw those before, gotta add one.

Never, ever use the middle urinal or sink, if there are only three, and all are open, in the men's restroom.

this one is good:

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 

I have an iron bladder-NO STOPPING! 

[BRAD]

good ones

[dragonz]

23: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.


That's awesome!!!!!


And perth to Sydney.. would take FOREVER

Perth is on my list for next winter.

Phil what part of NZ are you in?

I live in the Rodney District, West of Auckland, near Muriwai Beach.
38 miles of sand & some nice dunes to ride on there!

See the attached pics.

Why do you want to go to Aussie?
(Perth is nice as a city, but it aint got the kind of scenery we have here)

I have travelled all over NZ, through all the major centres of Auzzie, Indonesia, Fiji, Tonga, Mainland USA.
We have an awesome little country here, nowhere else compares with the range of scenery we have here, the clean air, water, etc.

Heres a pic from the back door of the Dairy factory I'm currently installing a palletising system in.
 

[attachment deleted by admin]

[Bert]

dragonz

Both of those pics are awesome 

Have you ever rode any mountains? 

[Krandall]

Going BACK to australia. My wifes brother lives in Melbourne. we were out there in May/June for 2 weeks visiting, but I didn't get to make it around as my flight to Cairnes got canceled 

I want to go to perth for the Surfing/Beaches. Cairnes for the reef, and Then head over to NZ for a bit.


some pics - http://www.raptorsource.com/forum/index.php?topic=559.0

[dragonz]

I havent ridden in the mountains in this pic, but plenty of my friends down this way do.
The ground is very stony, lots of round stones & pebbles, tough on gear (& riders when they fall off)

Have had some awesome rides in the forestry in the North near where I live (some big hills hidden in them trees), & the beach of course.

I also have road bikes (Suzi TL1000S currently) & have had some brilliant rides through the mountain routes in the north, but hanging out to bring the bike to the south & ride down here




Are you a "Real biker"

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A biker went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real biker."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left.

The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

[Peelz]

haha dragonz-good one!

nice pics as well. I would love to visit NZ in the near future. When kids are older maybe.

[dragonz]

What you ride is how you FERK!!

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Mr Ducati -loves himself and is rough and annoying - will spend the whole time watching himself in the mirror
Mr Honda - plain and boring but reliable - missionary only
Mr Yamaha - Wannabe Rossi but really a 2 pump chump
Mr Kawasaki - Believes he was once awesome in bed but now has doubts
Mr Hyosung – Gay
Mr Vespa/scooter - Metro sexual
Mr Buell - Strong but embarrassed - probably a good root but will try and jam it in your arse
Mr Harley-Loves prison sex
Mr KTM - Loose, wild and hang the FERK on - well for 30 seconds at least cause he'll crash and burn
Mr MV Augusta - likes strange and contorted positions
Mr Triumph - premature ejaculator
Mr Moto Guzzi - will root you in a sideways motion - kinda works but just annoying
Mr Bimota - greasy, ugly and a last resort - you'll have to burn the sheets afterwards too
Mr BMW - needs viagra
Mr Suzuki - absolute sex GERD and not for the faint hearted...

[Peelz]

"Mr Yamaha - Wannabe Rossi but really a 2 pump chump"

sure picked a bad place to post that one.

and WTF!....

"Mr Suzuki - absolute sex GERD and not for the faint hearted..."

[Krandall]

It's okay Peels. He doesn't know any better.

[Peelz]

It's okay Peels. He doesn't know any better.

backwards-a$$ hemisphere! go flush the toilet and tell me which way it spins j/k