Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started to feel ill.

"Mommy," she said: "Can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Momma!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush."

After about 60 seconds, the little girl returned to her seat.

"Were you sick?" her mom asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" her mother asked.

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick.'"

[Spartan]

SICK!

[Krandall]

A farmer's mule kicked his mother-in-law to death. Farmers from all over the county turned out for the funeral. The minister, examining the crowd outside the church, commented to a friend: "This woman must have been mighty popular. Just look how many people left their fields to come to her funeral."

"They're not here for the funeral," the friend said: "They're here to buy the mule."

[devious700rSE]

A farmers son was the finally the age to become a man. So the farmer told his son "take this here duck into town and sell it to get some money." The boy said "what do i do with the money?" The farmer tells his son "find a brothel and become a man son."

So the boy is off to town with the duck. A little time into town there is this girl that says "come on in for a good time" The boy says "i dont have any money but i do have this duck." The girl says that would do and they go in and they have sex.

A while later the boy finishes and give the girl the duck. The girl says "that was so good i want to do it again" but this time the boy says "im not going to do it for free." The girl then says "I will give you your duck back." The boy agrees and they are having sex again.

Walking out of the brothel the boy is happy as could be with his duck by his side and he has also became a man. A short while after walking a car driving out of control runs over the boy duck and the boy breaks into tears. The man that hit the duck says "im so sorry i hit your duck is there anything i can do to make this better? The boy replies "give me $20 and it will make me happy." So man gives the boy th $20 and the boy is on his way

When returning to the farm the boys father asked "did all go well?" The boy says "it went great i got a FERK for a duck a duck for a FERK and 20 bucks for a fucked up duck" 

[Krandall]

[Spartan]

I had to reread it a few times to finally get it....

[Krandall]

A man picks up a woman at a bar for a one-night stand. They go back to her place and proceed to have sex. After they finish, the man kisses the woman and says: "I'd love to stay, but I bet your husband will be coming home any time now."

"Husband?" the lady asks: "What makes you think I have a husband?"

The man says: "I couldn't help but notice the picture of that man on your nightstand."

The lady laughs and replies: "Oh, don't be silly. That's just me before the surgery.”

[Spartan]

SICK! And Shawn was never the same again...

[Krandall]

After a preacher died and went to Heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to Saint Peter: "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in Heaven is to reward results," Saint Peter explained: "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit: "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said Saint Peter: "And when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed awake but even prayed."

[Krandall]

A blonde was visiting Washington, D.C., for the first time and wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions.

"Excuse me, Officer,” she said: “how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied: "Wait here at this bus stop for the No. 54 bus. It'll take you right there."

She thanked the officer and he drove off. Three hours later, the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde was still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said: "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the No. 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied: "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 49th bus just went by!"

[Krandall]

A man enters hospital for a circumcision. The surgeons lie him down, put him to sleep and set to work on the job at hand. When the man comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon: “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation.”

“What!” gasps the patient: “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?”

“Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him: “Just not yours.”

[Krandall]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another fellow and immediately notices that the guy has a very large disposable Bic cigarette lighter. The first guy says: "Wow, cool lighter. Where did you get it?"

The second guy replies: "A genie from a bottle granted me one wish."

"Great, can I try it?" the first guy asks.

"Sure," the second guy replies.

The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. "You are granted one wish," says the genie.

The first guy says: "I want a million bucks!"

"Done," says the genie and disappears.

A few minutes go by, and suddenly the bar door swings open and thousands and thousands of ducks start pouring in.

"I can't believe this," says the first guy: "I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!"

The second guy turns to him and says: "Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch Bic?"

[Magz]

  i have a 12-inch bic.

[Spartan]

One more wish and I'm free

[Magz]

In-that case I want a million ducks..........