Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Magz]

mmmmmmmmmm good visual..............as long as they are not obbese (sp)..............

[Spartan]

1 b

[Magz]

huh? pat.     what is 1b

[devious700rSE]

These Two guys have been working in this office job for like 5 years and one guy is white and the other is colored and the white guy is there everyday happy as can be and the colored guy is just sick of it and he finally asked the white guy how do you do it why are you happy all the time and the white guy says maybe cause its i make love to my wife every night and the colored guy says how the hell do you do that and he says i tell her poetry and the colored guy asks well what do you say and the white guy says "blondie blondie eyes of blue get ready cause im going to come home and make love to you" and the colored guy says crap im going to have to try that so the colored guy goes home comes back the next day just beat to crap and the white guy asks what the hell happened to you and the colored guy say i went home and try to tell my wife poetry and this is what happened and the white guy say what the hell di you say to her and the colored guy says " nappy head nappy head eyes like a frog get down on your knees and take it like a dog" 

[Spartan]

mmmmmmmmmm good visual..............as long as they are not obbese (sp)..............

obese...one b

[Krandall]

Devious!!!! :Rofl:

[Peelz]

These Two guys have been working in this office job for like 5 years and one guy is white and the other is colored and the white guy is there everyday happy as can be and the colored guy is just sick of it and he finally asked the white guy how do you do it why are you happy all the time and the white guy says maybe cause its i make love to my wife every night and the colored guy says how the hell do you do that and he says i tell her poetry and the colored guy asks well what do you say and the white guy says "blondie blondie eyes of blue get ready cause im going to come home and make love to you" and the colored guy says crap im going to have to try that so the colored guy goes home comes back the next day just beat to crap and the white guy asks what the hell happened to you and the colored guy say i went home and try to tell my wife poetry and this is what happened and the white guy say what the hell di you say to her and the colored guy says " nappy head nappy head eyes like a frog get down on your knees and take it like a dog" 

Very funny, but my head hurts. That may just beat AJRaptor for the longest run-on sentence ever.

Punctuation...use it.

[Spartan]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."

"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."

"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."

And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,

"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "

"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees


Ees


Ees


Ees



Ees a ham bush...."

[Krandall]

[disco]

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. (For all y'all Northerners and City Folks "cottonmouth" is a water moccasin -- one of the 4 most poisonous snakes in North America and generally the meanest, being more aggressive than rattlesnakes.)

Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in it's mouth. His eyes rolled back. He went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Life is good in the South.

[devious700rSE]

 

[Krandall]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets," he said: "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that GERD is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. It tells me that someone has stolen our tent!"

[Spartan]

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.

If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.

"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

[Peelz]

a nice jewish joke for your wednesday. (Name the movie)  My boys and I watched it the other day, I didn't get the joke when I was a kid

a priest, a minister, and a rabbi are out playing golf. They're deciding how much to give to charity. The priest says "We'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands inside the circle, we'll give to charity." The minister says "No, we'll draw a circle on the ground, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle, that's what we'll give to charity." The rabbi says "No no no. We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever GERD wants, he keeps!

[Krandall]