Off Topic Bullsh*t Thread Volume XXIV

[Atvracer30]

Anyone here a vet. or currently serving?

Thanks to all who have served our country.

[Colorado700R]

Anyone here a vet. or currently serving?

Thanks to all who have served our country.

Thanks boss 

[Krandall]

1972   The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 1,000 for the first time.

[Peelz]

Anyone here a vet. or currently serving?

Thanks to all who have served our country.

Thanks boss 

on this subject...Monday, I stopped to get gas, and a soldier in uniform beat me to the door, noticeably hurrying...and held it for me. Which was actually my objective... but it made me feel good.. 

[Krandall]

1984   An infant who had received a baboon's heart to replace her own congenitally deformed one died at a California medical center three weeks after the transplant.

[Krandall]

2008   Iraq's Cabinet overwhelmingly approved a security pact with the United States calling for American forces to remain in the country until 2012.

[Peelz]

shoulda told em to handle their own shit, we gotz ur own problems 

[Krandall]

99 problems and iraq is one.

[Peelz]

Hahahah that's a good one!

[Krandall]

thank you, thank you.

I'll be here all day.

[dragonz]

thank you, thank you.

I'll be here all day.

sweet, I'll be right back with a basket of rotten tomatoes....................

[Colorado700R]

Copied from a buddies FB wall...

On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinge r said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura: ... Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding GERD's Law. ......I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of GERD's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abominatio n, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of GERD if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/po lyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that GERD's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M Kauffman

Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

[dragonz]

If that works out, let me know. I might have to buy a couple of Australians...........

[Colorado700R]

So....I think I set a record with that post. Insulting gays, jews, christians, football, mexicans, and parents. Double hat trick? Lol

[Krandall]

I'd rather own a canadian. They can handle the cold... Mexicans would just be in the corner.