Off Topic Bullsh*t Thread Volume XXIII

[Krandall]

Today's Highlights in History

On Aug. 25, 1944, Paris was liberated by Allied forces after four years of Nazi occupation.

On Aug. 25, 1918, Leonard Bernstein, American conductor, composer and pianist, was born. Following his death on Oct. 14, 1990, his obituary appeared in The Times.
Editorial Cartoon of the Day
   
On August 25, 1860, Harper's Weekly featured a cartoon about Abraham Lincoln, slavery, and the presidential election of 1860.


On this date in:

1718    Hundreds of French colonists arrived in Louisiana, with some of them settling in present-day New Orleans.

1825    Uruguay declared its independence from Brazil.

1875    Captain Matthew Webb became the first person to swim across the English Channel, traveling from Dover, England, to Calais, France, in 22 hours.

1916    The National Park Service was established within the Department of the Interior.

1921    The United States signed a peace treaty with Germany.

1950    President Harry S. Truman ordered the Army to seize control of the nation's railroads to avert a strike.

1975    The album "Born to Run" by Bruce Springsteen was released.

1984    Author Truman Capote was found dead at age 59.

1985    Samantha Smith, the schoolgirl whose letter to Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov resulted in her peace tour of the communist country, was killed with her father in an airplane crash in Maine.

1997    The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion settlement with the state of Florida.

1998    Former Supreme Court Justice Lewis F. Powell died at age 90.

2003    Tennis champion Pete Sampras announced his retirement during a news conference at the U.S. Open in New York.

2009    South Korea's first rocket blasted off into space.

2009    A judge in Los Angeles sentenced singer Chris Brown to five years' probation and six months' community labor for beating his former girlfriend, singer Rihanna.

Current Birthdays

Actor Sean Connery turns 80 years old today.


89    Monty Hall
Game show host ("Let's Make a Deal")

79    Regis Philbin
Talk show host ("Live With Regis and Kelly")

77    Wayne Shorter
Jazz saxophonist

77    Tom Skerritt
Actor ("Picket Fences")

69    Marshall Brickman
Filmmaker

64    Rollie Fingers
Baseball Hall of Famer

61    Gene Simmons
Rock musician (Kiss)

59    Rob Halford
Rock singer (Judas Priest)

56    Elvis Costello
Rock musician

52    Tim Burton
Director

49    Billy Ray Cyrus
Country singer

49    Ally Walker
Actress

46    Blair Underwood
Actor

44    Albert Belle
Baseball player

43    Jeff Tweedy
Rock singer (Wilco)

42    Rachael Ray
TV chef

40    Robert Horry
Basketball player

40    Claudia Schiffer
Model

29    Rachel Bilson
Actress ("The O.C.")

23    Blake Lively
Actress ("Gossip Girl")

[Peelz]

Actor Sean Connery turns 80 years old today.

[Krandall]

Trebek: It's not "Ape Tit." It's A Petit....never mind! Let's just go to Animal Sounds for 600. This is the sound a doggy makes. conery buzzes in.... Mr. Connery.

Conery: Moo.

Trebek: No.

conery: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night!

bwa ha hah ah ah a

[Peelz]

Trebek: It's not "Ape Tit." It's A Petit....never mind! Let's just go to Animal Sounds for 600. This is the sound a doggy makes. conery buzzes in.... Mr. Connery.

Conery: Moo.

Trebek: No.

conery: Well, that's the sound your mother made last night!

bwa ha hah ah ah a

one of my favorite skits.

[Colorado700R]

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.. (Very Nice Erich!)

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies claiming they were not mad but had been picked up by the driver. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. (Glad your ok Shawn)

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] (Wanna borrow $5 Troy?)

7. An Arkansas man wanted some beer pretty badly so he decided he'd throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block hit the window, bounced back hitting the would-be thief on the head and knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on the stores CCTV. (Foiled again Brian)

8. As a female shopper left a New York store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the thief. They put him in the patrol car and drove him back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said that these weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away again. - THIS WAS AWARDED THE 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER  (Phucker loves him some Onion Rings)

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near vomit and spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man had admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he pushed his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Better Luck next time Segkast

[Peelz]

sickening....the last one...can you imagine? 

[Krandall]

ERMAHGERD!

[disco]

That reminds me of a 24 hr paintball game I was at years ago.  We were camped next to these two other guys. 

Dude A asks Dude B, "what's in the jug."

"Piss, took a leak in it" B says without turning around. 

A was like, yeah whatever.  Screws the cap off and takes a big healthy swig.  Spews it right back out, starts cussing and yelling. 

B was like, "WTF dude?" 

A, "I thought you were kidding!"

We were all laughing and grossed out at the same time.   

[Segkast]

LOL Aaron, I remember reading about that in the paper when it happened, and then seeing it on the news later. The old dude who had the RV couldn't stop laughing about it even the next day when they were interviewing him.

[Krandall]

Today's Highlights in History

On Aug. 26, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, guaranteeing women the right to vote, was declared in effect.

On Aug. 26, 1906, Albert Sabin, the Polish-American doctor who developed the polio vaccine, was born. Following his death on March 3, 1993, his obituary appeared in The Times.
Editorial Cartoon of the Day

On August 26, 1876, Harper's Weekly featured a cartoon about monetary policy and the presidential election of 1876.


On this date in:

1847    Liberia was proclaimed an independent republic.

1910    Mother Teresa was born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu in Skopje, Macedonia.

1939    Major league baseball was televised for the first time when experimental station W2XBS broadcast a doubleheader between the Cincinnati Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers at Ebbets Field.

1957    The Soviet Union announced that it had successfully tested an intercontinental ballistic missile.

1964    President Lyndon B. Johnson was nominated for a term of office in his own right at the Democratic National Convention in Atlantic City, N.J.

1974    Aviation pioneer Charles Lindbergh died at age 72.

1978    Cardinal Albino Luciani of Venice was elected the 264th Pope of the Roman Catholic Church and took the name John Paul I.

2003    Investigators concluded that NASA's overconfident management and inattention to safety doomed the space shuttle Columbia as much as damage to the craft did.

Current Birthdays

Actor Chris Pine ("Star Trek") turns 30 years old today.


89    Ben Bradlee
Former Washington Post executive editor

77    Ben J. Wattenberg
Author

76    Tom Heinsohn
Basketball Hall of Famer

75    Geraldine Ferraro
Former Democratic vice presidential candidate

65    Tom Ridge
Former director of homeland security

64    Valerie Simpson
R&B singer (Ashford and Simpson)

50    Branford Marsalis
Jazz saxophonist

45    Chris Burke
Actor ("Life Goes On")

41    Adrian Young
Rock musician (No Doubt)

40    Melissa McCarthy
Actress ("Gilmore Girls")

39    Thalia
Singer, actress

31    Jamal Lewis
Football player

30    Macaulay Culkin
Actor ("Home Alone")

24    Cassie
R&B singer

17    Keke Palmer
Actress

Historic Birthdays

Albert Sabin

8/26/1906 - 3/3/1993
Polish-born American microbiologist; developed oral polio vaccine
(Go to obit.)

68    Robert Walpole
8/26/1676 - 3/18/1745
British prime minister (1721-42)

49    Johann Heinrich Lambert
8/26/1728 - 9/25/1777
Swiss mathematician, scientist and philosopher

69    Joseph-Michel Montgolfier
8/26/1740 - 6/26/1810
French inventor; helped build first hot-air balloon

50    Antoine-Laurent Lavoisier
8/26/1743 - 5/8/1794
French scientist

42    Albert
8/26/1819 - 12/14/1861
German-born prince consort of Queen Victoria

87    Lee De Forest
8/26/1873 - 6/30/1961
American inventor of the Audion vacuum tube

86    Jules Romains
8/26/1885 - 8/14/1972
French novelist, dramatist and poet

98    Jerome Hunsaker
8/26/1886 - /1984
American aeronautical engineer

81    Peggy Guggenheim
8/26/1898 - 12/23/1979
American art collector and patron

85    Maxwell Taylor
8/26/1901 - 4/19/1987
American army officer in World War II

81    Christopher Isherwood
8/26/1904 - 1/4/1986
English-born novelist and playwright

[Krandall]

Today's Highlights in History

On Aug. 27, 1962, the United States launched the Mariner 2 space probe, which flew past Venus the following December.

On Aug. 27, 1908, Lyndon B. Johnson, the 36th president of the United States, was born. Following his death on Jan. 22, 1973, his obituary appeared in The Times.
Editorial Cartoon of the Day
   
On August 27, 1870, Harper's Weekly featured a cartoon about Napoleon III and the Franco-Prussian War.


On this date in:

1770    German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel was born in Stuttgart.

1859    Edwin L. Drake drilled the first successful U.S. oil well near Titusville, Pa.

1883    The island volcano Krakatoa erupted and the resulting tidal waves claimed some 36,000 lives on the Indonesian islands of Java and Sumatra.

1928    The Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed in Paris, outlawing war and providing for the peaceful settlement of disputes.

1945    American troops began landing in Japan following the surrender of the Japanese government in World War II.

1967    The Beatles' manager, Brian Epstein, was found dead from an overdose of sleeping pills.

1975    Haile Selassie, the last emperor of Ethiopia's 3,000-year-old monarchy, died in Addis Ababa almost a year after being overthrown.

1979    British war hero Lord Louis Mountbatten was killed off the coast of Ireland in a boat explosion; the Irish Republican Army claimed responsibility.

2007    Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pleaded guilty in Richmond, Va., to a federal dogfighting charge.

2007    The Capitol Hill newspaper Roll Call reported that Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, had been arrested by a plainclothes officer investigating complaints of lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport restroom.

2008    Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois was nominated for president by the Democratic National Convention in Denver.

Current Birthdays

Minnesota Twins designated hitter Jim Thome turns 40 years old today.


68    Daryl Dragon
Musician (The Captain and Tennille)

67    Bob Kerrey
Former U.S. senator, D-Neb.

67    Tuesday Weld
Actress

63    Barbara Bach
Actress

58    Paul Reubens
Actor ("Pee-Wee's Playhouse")

57    Alex Lifeson
Rock musician (Rush)

48    Yolanda Adams
Gospel singer

41    Chandra Wilson
Actress ("Grey's Anatomy")

40    Tony Kanal
Rock musician (No Doubt)

34    Sarah Chalke
Actress ("Scrubs")

22    Alexa Vega
Actress ("Spy Kids" films)

Historic Birthdays

Lyndon B. Johnson

8/27/1908 - 1/22/1973
36th president of the United States
(Go to obit.)

73    Sophia Smith
8/27/1796 - 6/12/1870
American philanthropist; founded Smith College

81    Hannibal Hamlin
8/27/1809 - 7/4/1891
American vice-president (1861-5)

85    Charles Dawes
8/27/1865 - 4/23/1951
American vice-president (1925-9) and diplomat; awarded Nobel Peace Prize (1925)

74    Theodore Dreiser
8/27/1871 - 12/28/1945
American novelist

65    Carl Bosch
8/27/1874 - 4/26/1940
German Nobel Prize-winning industrial chemist (1931)

86    Man Ray
8/27/1890 - 11/18/1976
American photographer, painter and filmmaker

66    C. S. Forester
8/27/1899 - 4/2/1966
English novelist and journalist

64    Frank Leahy
8/27/1908 - 6/21/1973
American Notre Dame football coach (1941-53)

[Krandall]

Today's Highlights in History

On Aug. 30, 1963, the hot-line communications link between Washington, D.C., and Moscow went into operation.

On Aug. 30, 1898, Shirley Booth, American stage, screen, radio and television actress, was born. Following her death on October 16, 1992, her obituary appeared in The Times.
   
On August 30, 1884, Harper's Weekly featured a cartoon about the presidential election of 1884.


On this date in:

1797    "Frankenstein" author Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley was born in London.

1862    Union forces were defeated by the Confederates at the Second Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, Va.

1893    Huey P. Long, the "Kingfish" of Louisiana politics, was born in Winn Parish, La.

1905    Baseball Hall of Famer Ty Cobb made his major league debut with the Detroit Tigers.

1918    Baseball Hall of Famer Ted Williams was born in San Diego.

1941    Nazi forces began a siege of Leningrad during World War II that lasted nearly two and a half years.

1945    Gen. Douglas MacArthur arrived in Japan and set up Allied occupation headquarters.

1965    The album "Highway 61 Revisited" by Bob Dylan was released.

1967    The Senate confirmed the appointment of Thurgood Marshall as the first African-American justice on the Supreme Court.

1983    Guion S. Bluford Jr. became the first African-American astronaut to travel in space when he blasted off aboard the space shuttle Challenger.

1989    A federal jury in New York found "hotel queen" Leona Helmsley guilty of income tax evasion but acquitted her of extortion.

1990    President George H.W. Bush told a news conference that a "new world order" could emerge from the Persian Gulf crisis.

1993    "The Late Show with David Letterman" premiered on CBS.

1999    Residents of East Timor voted for independence from Indonesia in a U.N.-sponsored ballot.

2005    A day after Hurricane Katrina hit, floodwaters covered 80 percent of New Orleans, looting continued to spread and rescuers in helicopters and boats picked up hundreds of stranded people.

Current Birthdays

Actress Cameron Diaz turns 38 years old today.


83    Bill Daily
Actor ("I Dream of Jeannie," "The Bob Newhart Show")

80    Warren Buffett
Billionaire, Berkshire Hathaway chairman, CEO

71    Elizabeth Ashley
Actress

67    R. Crumb
Cartoonist ("Fritz the Cat")

67    Jean-Claude Killy
Skier

63    Peggy Lipton
Actress ("The Mod Squad")

62    Lewis Black
Comedian ("The Daily Show")

59    Timothy Bottoms
Actor

57    Robert Parish
Basketball Hall of Famer

37    Lisa Ling
TV personality

33    Shaun Alexander
Football player

32    Cliff Lee
Baseball player

28    Andy Roddick
Tennis player

Historic Birthdays

Shirley Booth

8/30/1898 - 10/16/1992
American stage, screen, radio, and television actress
(Go to obit.)

77    Jacques-Louis David
8/30/1748 - 12/29/1825
French Neoclassicist painter

53    Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
8/30/1797 - 2/1/1851
English novelist; wrote "Frankenstein"

58    Jacobus Hoff
8/30/1852 - 3/1/1911
Dutch/German first winner of the Nobel Prize for chemistry (1901)

66    Ernest Rutherford
8/30/1871 - 10/19/1937
English Nobel Prize-winning physicist (1908)

42    Huey Long
8/30/1893 - /1935
American senator (1932-5) and powerful governor (1928-32) of Louisiana

86    Raymond Massey
8/30/1896 - 7/29/1983
Canadian-American actor, director and producer

68    John Gunther
8/30/1901 - 5/29/1970
American journalist and author

83    Fred MacMurray
8/30/1908 - 11/5/1991
American motion-picture and television actor

84    E. M. Purcell
8/30/1912 - 3/7/1997
American Nobel Prize-winning physicist (1952)

78    Sir Richard Stone
8/30/1913 - 12/6/1991
English Nobel Prize-winning economist (1984)

[Colorado700R]

58    Paul Reubens
Actor ("Pee-Wee's Playhouse")

[Krandall]

did you see the vid I posted of Pee Wee goes to Sturgis?

[Krandall]

Today's Highlights in History
On Aug. 31, 1997, Britain's Princess Diana died in a car crash in Paris at age 36.

On Aug. 31, 1907, William Shawn, editor of The New Yorker magazine for 35 years, was born. Following his death on Dec. 8, 1992, his obituary appeared in The Times.
   
On August 31, 1861, Harper's Weekly featured a cartoon about a newspaper scandal during the Civil War.

On this date in:

1888    Mary Ann Nichols, a prostitute, was found murdered in London's East End. She is generally regarded as the first victim of Jack the Ripper.

1935    President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed an act prohibiting the export of U.S. arms to belligerents.

1954    Hurricane Carol hit the northeastern United States, resulting in nearly 70 deaths and millions of dollars in damage.

1962    The Caribbean nation of Trinidad and Tobago became independent within the British Commonwealth.

1980    Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an agreement that ended a 17-day strike at the Lenin shipyard in Gdansk.

1985    California's "Night Stalker" killer Richard Ramirez was captured by residents of an East Los Angeles neighborhood.

1992    White separatist Randy Weaver surrendered to authorities in Naples, Idaho, ending an 11-day siege by federal agents that claimed the lives of Weaver's wife and son and a deputy U.S. marshal.

1994    Russia officially ended its military presence in the former East Germany and the Baltics after half a century.

2005    Some 1,000 people were killed when a religious procession across a Baghdad bridge was engulfed in panic over rumors of a suicide bomber.

2006    Iran defied a U.N. deadline to stop enriching uranium.

2009    Walt Disney Co. announced it was acquiring comic book giant Marvel Entertainment for $4 billion.

Current Birthdays

Actor Richard Gere turns 61 years old today.


75    Frank Robinson
Baseball Hall of Famer

71    Jerry Allison
Rock musician (Buddy Holly and the Crickets)

65    Van Morrison
Rock singer, musician

65    Itzhak Perlman
Violinist

64    Tom Coughlin
Football coach

53    Glenn Tilbrook
Rock singer (Squeeze)

40    Queen Rania
Wife of Jordan's King Abdullah II

38    Chris Tucker
Actor

35    Sara Ramirez
Actress ("Grey's Anatomy")

27    Larry Fitzgerald
Football player

Historic Birthdays

William Shawn

8/31/1907 - 12/8/1992
American editor of The New Yorker (1952-87)
(Go to obit.)

97    John Neville Keynes
8/31/1852 - 11/15/1949
English philosopher and economist

69    Georg Jensen
8/31/1866 - 10/2/1935
Danish silversmith and designer

81    Maria Montessori
8/31/1870 - 5/6/1952
Italian educator; founder of Montessori education

82    Wilhelmina
8/31/1880 - 11/28/1962
Dutch queen (1890-1948)

71    George Sarton
8/31/1884 - 3/22/1956
Belgian-born American scholar

54    DuBose Heyward
8/31/1885 - 6/16/1940
American dramatist, novelist and poet

77    Fredric March
8/31/1897 - 4/14/1975
American screen and stage actor

79    Arthur Godfrey
8/31/1903 - 3/16/1983
American radio and television entertainer

74    Dore Schary
8/31/1905 - 7/7/1980
American screenwriter, playwright, producer and director

49    Ramon Magsaysay
8/31/1907 - 3/17/1957
Philippine president (1953-7)

72    William Saroyan
8/31/1908 - 5/18/1981
American novelist and playwright

67    Alan Jay Lerner
8/31/1918 - 6/14/1986
American librettist and lyricist for stage and screen