Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

[dragonz]

 

[Krandall]

This boy has just taken his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!" she said.

"Look, don't worry," he said. "It will be quick, I promise you."

"Nooooooo! Someone may see us, a neighbor, anybody..."

"At this time of the night no one will show up. Come on, sweetie, I really need it."

"I've already said NO, and NO is final!"

"Honey, it'll just be a really small blowie... I know you like it too."

"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"

Desperately, he says, "My love, don't be like that. I promise you I love you and I really need this blowjob."

At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown and her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes she says: "Dad says, 'Dammit, give him the blowjob or I'll have to blow him but for GERD's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom button so the rest of the family can get some sleep.'"

[Peelz]

 


how many of us have used the "I'll be quick" plea? 

[kyledvor61]

how many of us have used the "I'll be quick" plea? 

your always quick

[Peelz]

how many of us have used the "I'll be quick" plea? 

your always quick

zip it tiny!

[Krandall]

The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said: "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said: "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money, and I could buy a Corvette."

The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said: "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold, and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said: "I would want silicone."

The teacher said: "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"

"Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

[Spider/Paleface513]

There was two Mexican panhandlers,working the interstate off ramps. One named José the other Hector. José had 12 bucks after two hours. He asked Hector,how much you got homes? Hector said close to $800. José said how my sign reads need food got 4 hungry kids anything will help! Hector said that's your problem SA. Mine says I only need another $20 to get back to Mexico.

[Krandall]

A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.

"That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.

"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised: "It will be the longest six months of your life."

[Peelz]

There was two Mexican panhandlers,working the interstate off ramps. One named José the other Hector. José had 12 bucks after two hours. He asked Hector,how much you got homes? Hector said close to $800. José said how my sign reads need food got 4 hungry kids anything will help! Hector said that's your problem SA. Mine says I only need another $20 to get back to Mexico.

[Krandall]

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells XL-size condoms.

"Yes we do," he replies: "Would you like to buy some?"

"No thanks," she responds: "But do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

[Colorado700R]

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



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HIS DIARY



My Raptor wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.

[Magz]

HER DIARY

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



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HIS DIARY



Had to jump start the Raptor today, but at least I got laid.

LOL  so true

[Krandall]

O
M
G

[Peelz]

karma for Aaron.