Post some good jokes here!!!!

[AJ RAPTOR]

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techno-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!"

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her."

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! eeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

[socalrappy700]

Shit, I would be in trouble! 

[Peelz]

hilarious AJ!

[Busby]

Two Flea's
 
Two fleas from Saskatchewan had an agreement to
meet every winter in Yuma for a vacation.

Last year when one flea gets to Yuma , he's all blue,
shivering and shaking, nearly froze to death!

The other flea asks him, 'What happened to you?'

The first flea says, I rode down here from Tobin Lake,
Saskatchewan in the mustache of a guy on a Harley.
 
The other flea responds saying, 'That's the worst way
to travel ... Try what I do.
 
Go to the Pelican Bar at the Tobin lake Resort .

Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for
a nice snowbird, crawl up her leg and nestle in
where it's warm and cozy.

It's the best way to travel that I can think of.

The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will
give it a try next winter.

A year goes by .. When the first flea shows up in Yuma,
he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Nearly
froze to death.

The second flea says, 'Didn't you try what I told you?'

'Yes,' says the first flea, 'I did exactly as you said,

I went to the Pelican bar. I had a few drinks. Finally,
this nice young snowbird came in. I crawled right up to
her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that
I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up ...

"I was back in the mustache of the guy on the Harley"

[Krandall]

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

[wastednuts]

that's just not right 

[Peelz]

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark, woods. The little boy says,

"Mister, I'm scared! These woods are really creepy."

The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

  WTF!  so wrong, but so funny

[Lady4Fiddy]

A Blonde is watching the news with her husband when
the newscaster says 'Two Brazilian men die in a
skydiving accident.'

         The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing
'That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!'

         Confused, he says, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but
they were skydiving, and there is always that risk
involved.'

         After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing,
says, 'How many is a Brazilian?

[Peelz]

brazilian!

[Flynbyu]

http://www.dslreports.com/r0/download/1136045~46c5ccee85a620f0acaf3b7fb50e9635/El%20Conquistador.mp3

Need sound.

~Brian

[kyledvor61]

nice 

and more like kyle and socal walk into the woods

[Flynbyu]

nice 

and more like kyle and socal walk into the woods

So who got tea bagged?

~Brian

[kyledvor61]

nice 

and more like kyle and socal walk into the woods

So who got tea bagged?

~Brian

he's stronger :'(

[Krandall]

this guy had to go on a business trip and he was worried about his wife because she has had an affair before. he wanted to get her somthing to keep her busy so hewent to a store to findsomething. he asked the clerk i need something to keep my wife busy for the weekend im goin away. he says here try this its a magic dildo. "what is it" said the man. "all u do is say magic dildo and an object and it will FERK it. thetheman says "ok,magic dildo the keyhole" so the magic dildo starts bangin thekeyhole. he buys the dildo and gives it to his wife and leaves. after a few hours the wife gets bored and says magic dildo my pussy. sheeventually gets tired but doesnt know how to turn it off so she gets in her car todrive to the hospital. a cop pulls her over for speeding and asks why she was speeding. so she says. help.. magic dildo... cant stop. the cop amused said "magic dildo my ass"

[exentix]

this guy had to go on a business trip and he was worried about his wife because she has had an affair before. he wanted to get her somthing to keep her busy so hewent to a store to findsomething. he asked the clerk i need something to keep my wife busy for the weekend im goin away. he says here try this its a magic dildo. "what is it" said the man. "all u do is say magic dildo and an object and it will f ck it. thetheman says "ok,magic dildo the keyhole" so the magic dildo starts bangin thekeyhole. he buys the dildo and gives it to his wife and leaves. after a few hours the wife gets bored and says magic dildo my pussy. sheeventually gets tired but doesnt know how to turn it off so she gets in her car todrive to the hospital. a cop pulls her over for speeding and asks why she was speeding. so she says. help.. magic dildo... cant stop. the cop amused said "magic dildo my ass"

that is amazing