Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Peelz]

Q. What's long and hard and makes women groan?

A. An ironing board!


HEY OH!!!

Q: Why did GERD make women?
A: You think he's gonna wash the dishes? Awww nawww HAELL Nawwww!

ZING!!

[Krandall]

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What are the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That's the talking clock," the student replied.

"How does it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch!" said the man, and he proceeded to give the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall: "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU F#@$@ERS! It's 2 a.m.!"

[Krandall]

As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past with its siren wailing and lights flashing.

Immediately, the drunk begins chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.

In a last act of desperation, he shouts after the fire engine: "If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice cream!"

[Krandall]

Q. What do fat girls and mopeds have in common?

A. They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

[Krandall]

must be phucker...




Late at night, a drunk was on his knees beneath a streetlight, evidently looking for something. A passerby, being a good Samaritan, offered to help.

"What is it you have lost?" he asked.

"My watch," replied the drunk: "It fell off when I tripped over the pavement."

The passerby joined in the search but after a quarter of an hour, there was still no sign of the watch.

"Where exactly did you trip?" asked the passerby.

"About half a block up the street," replied the drunk.

"Then why are you looking for your watch here if you lost it half a block up the street?"

"Because the light's a lot better here."

[phucker]

lol i think that fits nikki better

[Lady4Fiddy]

What ever Dan... you were so drunk too, and you are more than I am.

[Krandall]

A farmer with a prize sow makes an agreement with a neighboring farmer, who owns a prize boar, to mate the animals and share the piglets after they're born.

Every morning the farmer loads the sow onto a wheelbarrow and hauls her over to the other farm, waits for the boar to cover her, and then hauls her back home, expecting a litter of piglets the next day.

This goes on for some time and the farmer is getting discouraged. One particular morning he calls down to his wife: "Bessie, is that damned sow pregnant yet?"

His wife called back: "No, but she's sitting in the wheelbarrow waiting for ya."

[Krandall]

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office, completely naked, but wrapped in Saran Wrap.

"Doc," the man says: "I think there's something wrong with me."

"You're right," the psychiatrist replies: "I can clearly see your nuts."

[Krandall]

A frustrated housewife decides to jazz up her sex life after 20 years of marriage. She buys a pair of crotchless panties, applies a lot of makeup and greets her husband at the door in the sexy new lingerie.

Slowly spreading her legs open, she says in her most seductive come-to-bed voice: "Honey, would you like some of this?"

The husband looks between his wife's legs and then up at her doting eyes and replies: "Hell no! Look at what it's done to your underwear!"

[Krandall]

Q. What do you get when you cross PMS with GPS?

A. A crazy woman who will find you wherever you go.

[Krandall]

Three blonde men turn up at a mortuary, all with smiles on their faces.

"Why are they all smiling?" the policeman asks the coroner.

"Well, the first guy died of a heart attack while making love to his wife, hence his smile," the coroner replies: "The second guy won the lottery, spent it on whisky and died of alcohol poisoning, hence his smile, and the third guy was struck by lightning."

"So why is he smiling?" asks the policeman.

"Well, he thought he was having his photo taken."

[Krandall]

A boss concludes a job interview with a college grad by discussing salary.

"I'll give you eight bucks an hour starting today and in three months I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour," he says: "So when would you like to start?"

The college grad thinks about it for a moment and replies: "In three months."

[Peelz]

Ba-Dum Criiiiish!!!!

[dragonz]

How can ya tell a babe is really smokin?




















The rothmans packet in her nappies is a dead giveaway!