Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

Q. What do a Christmas tree and Twilight have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

[Magz]

 

It would have been funnyer if you had said peels instead of twilight.

[Colorado700R]

6 TRUTHS OF LIFE


1. NO matter how hard you try You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.























2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.


















3. And discover #1 is a lie.



















4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.


















5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.


















6. There is still a stupid smile on your face














I apologize about this but I'm an idiot and I needed company.

[Spartan]

[Krandall]

A man calls his boss one morning and tells him that he's staying home because he is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of Anal Glaucoma," he says in a weak voice.

The boss asks: "What the hell is Anal Glaucoma?"

He responds: "I can't see my ass coming into work today."

[Lady4Fiddy]

Ha ha, good one Randy.   

And Aaron, your marrying and idiot you know that right? 

[Magz]

OLD JOKE BUT WHAT THE HELL

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
__________________

[Krandall]

[disco]

DWI - TEXAS STYLE


From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.  Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin , Texas . After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.  After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station.  This breathalyzer equipment must be broken..'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck.  'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

[Lady4Fiddy]

ERMAHGERD LOL!!!!

[Krandall]

Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[exentix]

hahahahahaaaa ERMAHGERD 

[Magz]

I can post this cause I'm a beaner.

This is so Strange!!!!

A. Did you know that the word "race car" spelled backward still spells "race car"?

B. Did you know that "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"?

C. And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants" and add just a few more letters, it spells out: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, kid-producing, violent, non-English speaking arseholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, towel headed, bomb-making, goat-shagging, raggedy-arse bastards with you"?

How weird is that

[Magz]

unforseen design flaw..................

I know peels will like it.

[Magz]

old joke but funny.........
Peter invited his mother for dinner. During the course of the meal,
his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne,
was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this
only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than
met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't
suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.



So he sat down and wrote



DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT
SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT
IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER



Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read



DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT
YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS
SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM


Lesson of the day,

NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER