Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Peelz]

somebody's undercutting me!!! 

[Magz]

Instructor: "Good morning, class. Before we begin today's lecture, I should like to discover how well you have been tracking the previous material. Miss Warlin, will you stand?"

She stands. "Can ye tell me, which organ of the body achieves 10 times its normal size when it is excited?"

(She stammers, reddens, says nothing.)

"Ye may sit down. Mr. VanBuskirk, can you answer that question?"

"It is the pupil of the eye, sir," he says, then sits down.

"Vurra good. Now, Ms Warlin, I have three things to say to you: One, you have not done your homework; two, you have a dirty mind, and; three, you're in for a big disappointment."











IF we were talking about peels.........i would have guessed his ego.  
just kidding peels.........i pick on you because i care.

[Krandall]

makes no sense....

[Krandall]

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked over to her and began kissing her passionately.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable fool!" she screamed.

Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her!"

[Colorado700R]

http://db.tt/LXiXjXTl

[Peelz]

lol saw that this morning...


still think its funny how everyone bitches and moans about that...its fukin sports shit happens, thats why you watch it.

[Krandall]

A guy goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. He doesn't know which one to get, so he just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on. He says, "Excuse me, Sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Sir, I'm blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." The guy didn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "Thats a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20.00."

The guy says, "It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the guy farts. At first he is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was him. Being blind, the salesman wouldn't know that he was the only other person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

The guy says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes sir, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."

[Magz]

not good.......but its a joke dammit...i dont see you guys trying.

Three Canadian guys -- a Newfie, a Quebecer and an Albertan -- are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total", says the genie.

The Newfie says, "I'm a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

With a blink of the genie's eye, the oceans were teeming with fish.

The Quebecer was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Quebec, so that no one can get through and pollute our perfect culture."

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around Quebec.

The Albertan asks, "I'm curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Albertan says, "Fill it up with water."

[Peelz]

jokes about canadians are always funny.

[Kamakazi]

jokes about canadians are always funny.

I know i get the joke, but do you? 

[Kamakazi]

Going to school to be a machinist in a trades school bring up alot of funny trades jokes, here is my favorite thus far.

What do you say to somebody with an IQ of 60?

















NICE WELDING HELMET!!!!!!!!!! 

[Magz]

A young jackaroo named Richard from outback Queensland goes off to university, but
halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern
education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane
That will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.'

So ... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The
boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.

'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just won't believe
this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to
teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of
the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.
So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his
father is all excited.

'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news.
Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in
the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street
Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy
still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''

The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that b@stard before he
talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

[Magz]

One thing about blokes from down under is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place!

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle , Australia , was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT: "If hooking up one rag head terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say, .. "Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."

[Magz]

The phone rings, and the wife answers.

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tight ass-hole with no hair."

Woman replies, "Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"

[Peelz]

One thing about blokes from down under is that their hearts and humour are always in the right place!

T. B. Bechtel, a City Councillor from Newcastle , Australia , was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

HIS STATEMENT: "If hooking up one rag head terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say, .. "Red is positive, black is negative, and make sure his nuts are wet."

this deserves qotd nod