Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

At 85 years old, Morris marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. The woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that the old fellow might overexert himself.
After the wedding festivities, she prepares herself for bed and for Morris to come to her room.
Sure enough, there is a knock at the door and there is her groom, ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and after the main event, Morris leaves while his bride gets ready to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, there's a knock on the door and there's old Morris, ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, she consents to further coupling, after which the octogenarian bids her good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, when there is another knock at the door by Morris, who is as energetic as a 25-year-old and ready for more.
Once again, they do the horizontal boogie. As they're relaxing, the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You're a great lover, Morris."
Morris looks confused. He turns to her and says, "I was here already?"

[Hefe]

 

[Peelz]

el oh el thats awesome

gonna be me

[Krandall]

A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. He was looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and trying to figure out the wind direction and speed. In short, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally, his exasperated partner said, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball already!"
The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it man, you'll never hit her from here!"

[Magz]

LOL

[Krandall]

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
The mother looks over at the little girl and says, "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, it isn't polite," the mother warns.
"Okay," the little girl says, "how much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions that are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Enough questions now, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
The little girl continues on triumphantly, "And... I know why you and daddy got divorced."
"Oh really?" the mother asks, "why is that?"
The girl replies, "Because you got an F in sex."

[Magz]

old but made me LOL again.....

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership, she browses around,
then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up.
as she turns back, there standing next to her, is a sales man.
"good day madame, how may we help you today?"

Very unconfortably she asks, "sir, what is the price on this lovely vehicle?"

he answers, "madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price"

[Krandall]

[Krandall]

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad, so she decides to consult a pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the bush, slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's 'club.' When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing." She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight, for about 275 yards.
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem... How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"

[Magz]

LOL

[Krandall]

"Looks young" means: If viewed from far away in bad lighting
"Loves travel" means: If you're paying
"Loves animals" means: Cat lady
"Non-traditional" means: Ex-husband lives in the basement
"Open-minded" means: Desperate
"Outgoing" means: Loud
"Passionate" means: Loud
"Poet" means: Depressive schizophrenic
"Redhead" means: Shops in the Clairol aisle
"Reliable" means: Frumpy
"Rubenesque" means: You can figure this one out
"Romantic" means: Looks better by candlelight
"Self-employed" means: Jobless
"Smart" means: Insipid
"Special" means: Rode the small school bus w/ tinted windows
"Spiritual" means: Involved with a cult
"Stable" means: Boring
"Tall, thin" means: Anorexic
"Tanned" means: Wrinkled
"Wants soul mate" means: One step away from stalking
"Writer" means: Pompous
"Young at heart" means: How about the rest?

[Peelz]

LOl I think all those things...

same goes for my real estate theories.

cozy=small
quaint=smaller AND old
rustic=old and shitty

[Krandall]

A group of people decide to prove that blondes are not really dumb. For this reason, they gather 80,000 natural blondes at Wembley stadium. A guy who's hosting the show randomly picks out one blonde and asks her to come down to the center. They are standing at the microphone as he asks her:
"What's two times two?"
"Five", answers the blonde and smiles.
The guy shakes his head, but the whole stadium shouts, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then the guy asks her, "What's three times three?"
"Eight", answers the blonde proudly.
The guy is about to let her return to her seat, but the whole stadium starts to shout again, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the guy asks her one more question. "What's four times four?"
"Sixteen", answers the blonde shyly.
Before the guy expresses his reaction, the whole stadium starts to shout, "Give her one more chance, give her one more chance!"

[Krandall]

A New York divorce lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment, Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The lawyer said, "Wait! There's more! Three years ago I gave another homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming that this too had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

[Peelz]

nyuk nyuk nyuk