Post some good jokes here!!!!

[disco]

Repost?  Probably, I'm not reading 108 pages.
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After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.  He begins to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.

'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.

'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.

She whispers in his ear 'That's me before the surgery.' ...

[Hefe]

For all those men who say "why marry the cow when you can get the milk free?"

Here's an update for you! Nowadays 80% of woman are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just for a little sausage!!!!!!


 

 

[Krandall]

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, "Great... he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun -- I'll just let him ask and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said: "Well, son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad: "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"


 

[Hefe]

After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical
examination, the doctor said,





"You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Mallory, but tell me, do you
still have intercourse?" 








"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said..





She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:





"Henry, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush .





 You could hear
a pin drop.








Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Irma, I told





you a hundred times...What we have is...














Blue
Cross!"

[Magz]

lol

[Spartan]

A girl comes skipping home from school and shouts, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did counting, and all the other kids only got up to 5, but I got up to 10. 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

That's good, isn't it Mommy?

"Yes dear, it is."

"Is that because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes dear, it is."

The next day the girl comes skipping home and screams, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did the alphabet, and all the other kids only got to D, but I got up to G. A, B, C, D, E, F, G!

That's good, isn't it Mommy?"

"Yes dear, it is."

"Is that because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes dear, it is."

The following day the girl comes skipping home and exclaims, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we did gym class, and all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" At this point the girl pulls up her top revealing a pair of amazing 36C breasts.

"That's good, isn't it Mommy?"

"Yes dear, it is," replied a slightly embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"No dear, it's because you're 25"

[Krandall]

[Hefe]

Sad news...


Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain
Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as man who
never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business,
but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was considered a very smart
cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a
little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a
positive roll model for millions..

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough,
Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also
survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

[Krandall]

A software manager, a hardware manager and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem.

The software manager says: "I can't do anything about this -- it's a hardware problem."

The hardware manager says: "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself."

The marketing manager says: "Hey, 75% of it is working -- let's ship it!"

[Peelz]

[Colorado700R]

Is Sex Work

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.



He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A Captain said it was 50-50%.

A lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.



There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?



Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."



The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?



"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."
 
The room fell silent.

GERD Bless the enlisted man.

[Lady4Fiddy]

LOL! 

[Krandall]

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling: "Read all about it. Today: 50 people swindled! Today: 50 people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said: "There's nothing in here about 50 people being swindled."

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out: "Read all about it. Today: 51 people swindled!"

[Hefe]

I like that!

[Krandall]

Ted, a wealthy 70-year-old widower, shows up at a bar with a stunning 25-year-old blonde on his arm. The woman has the body of a model, has her arms endearingly locked around Ted’s torso and focuses intently on every syllable he utters.

Naturally, his friends at the bar are stunned. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask: "Ted, come on, where'd you get such a beautiful babe for a girlfriend?"

Ted replies: "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

Now they're completely knocked over. They continue their questioning: "Alright, how'd you get her to marry you?"

"Well, I lied about my age," Ted admits.

"How old did you say you were? 50?"

Ted smiles and says, "Nope! I told her I was 95!”