It'll never happen to me.... (long read)

[russ-russ]

That's what we all say isn't it?  Well, it happened this morning.  I live in a quiet subdivision on a cul-de-sac in a small tri-level house.  I've been here 11 years and never had any trouble.  I awoke this morning to an annoying beeping.  Beep beep beep.  Beep beep beep.  What the heck is that I wondered?  It's not my cell battery dieing so what is it?  Finally had enough of it and headed downstairs to kill whatever it was.  I made it halfway down the stairs and froze.  My first thought was why is there a pair of jeans and a jacket on the living room floor?  I didn't strip and leave my clothes down there.  Then I saw feet sticking out of the pants.  Still my thoughts didn't go to an intruder, I thought maybe my wife has plans to go snowboarding this morning and this is a cousin or friend that's going with, crashing before an early start.  I go back in the bedroom and ask who is sleeping in the living room.  She said no one she knows and we both freaked a little bit.  I keep a loaded 12 ga. next to the nightstand for just this kind of thing (no kids), but all at once and for the first time, I realized that this full size shotgun is too unwieldy for this situation.  My wife asks if she should call 911.  I hadn't even thought of that just yet, but I say YES, call 911.  I grab my .357 from the other room, load it, and move back to the top of the stairs to keep an eye on this passed-out guy in my house.  We are on the phone with dispatch for 15 minutes waiting for "help" to arrive.  Good thing for all of us that this guy was out cold, even snoring at times.  Once, he stirred a little and I thought to myself maybe this is it.  Then, finally, the deputies arrive.  They approach the house and knock?!?!  I ask the dispatcher if I'm supposed to unlock the door or what?  She says if I'm OK with it then yes.  But that I need to NOT answer the door with a gun in my hand.  I paused and thought bullsh!t, there's an intruder in MY house, I'll keep my gun, but my wife talked me out of it, so I handed it to her, and tip-toed past sleeping beauty to unlock the door.  Two deputies came in and asked if I knew this guy or invited him in, I said no, I have no idea who this is or how he got in.  One deputy and I made a very quick survey of entry points and found nothing but the doggie door.  This guy had to be determined because this is a pretty small door, not yap-dog size, but not German Shepard sized either.  So the deputy instructs me to go back upstairs and wait.  They rattle the guy and he's all sorts of displaced.  First he's a little verbally combative and wonders why there's cops in his face.  It's clear he was (and probably still is) pretty wasted last night.  He thinks he's in his own house, or at least somewhere he belongs.  The deputies have trouble getting any straight answers out of him.  He finally realizes his situation and hands over some kind of ID, turns out he is on probation for something, but the report doesn't say what.  When they ask, all he can say is he's on probation for getting drunk.  This goes on for what seems like forever.  One of the deputies finally comes upstairs and asks what we want to do.  I'm kind of lost, isn't that your job I think to myself?  So I ask what my options are, this is my first break-in and I'm not really sure what to do.  The deputy says all they can really get him on is trespassing, he didn't appear to be stealing anything, and no apparent damage was don't to the house, so trespassing is it.  Nothing more than a summons and we would likely have to got testify in court.  Or if we don't press charges they would take him home, or to detox if no one was at the address he gave.  Don't ask my why, because I can't say right now, but I was feeling charitable (maybe the Christmas season, who knows), but I elected not to press charges.  As they cuffed him and led him out (finally), he yelled up the stairs that he was sorry.

In all this, where the hell were my dogs?  I always thought that they would at least alert me to something going on.  No dice.  They were both laying on the floor in the bedroom like nothing was out of the ordinary.

After they left and we calmed down a bit, my wife and I did a good look around the house and found that he had helped himself to some leftovers in the fridge, and that beep beep beep from before, was the microwave saying that food was done.  So he had nuked some leftover mexican and passed out before he could eat it.  He had also nuked some leftover wings from Hooters, ate a couple, threw the bones in the dog food container, which looks a lot like a covered trash can, and then put the rest in a cupboard.  He opened a jar of pickles, some tortilla chips, and even killed a can of squeezey cheese.  The doors on my shed out back were open, but nothing appears to be missing anywhere (save for the fridge).

But the really unsettling thing is that this trailer-trash was in my house for hours and I didn't even know it.  How lucky we are that he just had the munchies and wanted to get out of the cold, and not to do us any harm.


I don't normally spill my guts on the interwebz, it's just not my style.  But for some reason I just can't stop talking about this, to anyone who will listen.  I bet I've told it 10 times in the 5-6 hours since it happened.  I guess I'm looking for the words that don't exist, the words that will make me feel secure in my own home again.  It seems weird to be so rattled, because nothing bad came of it, but the neverending stream of "what-ifs" that is running through my head has some really scary outcomes.

[preddy08]

Sorry to hear about this Russ, but its funny as hell! Sure it could of ended up alot worse, but it didn't and you have to be thankful for that. Some people just loose all since of where they are and what they are doing when they get that drunk. Its pretty obvious that he has a drinking problem. I'm willing to bet this guy thought it was his house and got locked out.

I'm a glass is half full kinda guy and have to laugh at things like this. At the very least you have a funny holiday storry to tell for years to come. I'm glad everyone is alright and that you didn't press charges. Just the fact the guy saying he's sorry on the way out (in handcuffs mind you) tells you he had no ill intents.

[preddy08]

Did he say I'm sorry like this? Wait til the end   He's the VP of British Petroleum, FYI. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4PGBSptYCI

[Peelz]

DUDE.....russ-russ. I am so sorry bro. I was tired. I'd been up for 8 days mano. WHen you crash, you crash, my bad.

If I need to replace the doggie door, or your chicken wings, let me know. Man them bitches was yummy!

Thanks again.

-Peels




In other words: Dude that is really scary! GLad nothing or nobody got hurt.

[preddy08]

Maybe I should turn the timer beep back on on the microwave. I didn't know it could double as a burgler alarm

[MORAPTOR700]

DAAAAAAAMMMM Russ Russ. First off glad everbody is Ok including those killer watch dogs!! I've been really drunk before but managed to get in the right house, don't remember how I got to my house but did. Personally glad you were in the giving spirit for the pour fellow. Kudos to you Russ.

[Troy31]

That is crazy! I have to say you handled that much better than I would have. I would have spent all day riping up carpet due to blood stains and holes.

[russ-russ]

The 15 minutes spent waiting for the Sheriff's deputies to arrive were spent with a .357 pointed at him the whole time.  So, had he made any threatening moves toward the bedroom where my wife was hiding, his day may have ended much worse.  I'm glad I didn't wake up while he was raiding the fridge, as I'm pretty relieved that I didn't have to find out what a 12 ga. at close range would do to a body.  It might sound dumb, especially since he never even moved really while I was watching him, but I'm still seriously shaken by this.  I'm a real glass-half-empty kind of guy, and I just can't get over all the what-ifs running through my head.  The fact that he had to be in my home for hours, and I didn't wake up, and the damn dogs didn't care, just scares the shit out of me.

Silver lining:  I think there will be a new tactical shotty in my future real soon.  

Something like this perhaps:

[disco]

Burglar alarm with motion sensors?  Door and window sensors wouldn't have picked him up since he didn't come in that way.  You don't even have to have it connected to a service, just wire it to an siren inside.  Never pass up an opportunity to buy another gun  but you need something to wake you up to use it.   

Your dogs sound about like my old dogs.  They wouldn't budge till the doorbell rang, then they look at me like "what's that?"

Glad it all worked out in the end!  He didn't die, you didn't have to do some sheet rock repair and your wife didn't have to bust out the mop and bleach.

[Alkire193]

Russ, that is awful. What a crappy way to wake up. Everyone is ok and that is what really matters. Make the first round rubber, next one salt, final 4 buck shot, always ready! Weird time of year for break in's.

Had a guy hopped up on acid with a huge knife attack the woman living in my house. He tore the handle right off the front door and beat the metal in with the butt of the knife. Took 8 officers to restrain him. Twisted part? She works with the guy at Best Buy, he was at a party nearby and wanted to use the "phone" because the lights were on at 3am. He had no idea is was her house. Did I mention she has a newborn? Hope they fry the bastard.

Then my sister has some guy DUI on her front lawn with the high beams in the bedroom window. Car stalled 2 feet from the bedroom, driver passed out behind the wheel. Cops showed up, guy lived two counties over, was driving the wrong direction, got confused by the dead end and managed to turn left. He got high centered and stalled it, saved by the decorative trees!

[Troy31]

Make the first round rubber, next one salt, final 4 buck shot, always ready!

Just my opinion but for self/home defense every shot should counts. If I would ever have to pull the trigger in a defensive situation there is no such thing as warning shots or shooting them in the leg, 2 to the chest 1 to the head period.

[Krandall]

Dang russ-russ.. that IS scary. knowing that you could have been robbed blindly is scary stuff. But at least that's not the intent of the guy. maybe you need to get like a slider kind of thing or bar to put over the dog door in the evening. Had that been blocked off I think any other path of intrusion would wake you up at least

Glad everyone is alright

[Colorado700R]

Trespassing? How about breaking an entery?  Drunk or not, this douche's actions will cuase both you and your wife too have concerns when alone or at night in your house ( it would for me).  No one should have concerns about being safe in their own home.

Glad you both are ok, and that you were able to have it handled without any violence.

Make the first round rubber, next one salt, final 4 buck shot, always ready!

Just my opinion but for self/home defense every shot should counts. If I would ever have to pull the trigger in a defensive situation there is no such thing as warning shots or shooting them in the leg, 2 to the chest 1 to the head period.

I agree with Troy.  You never know the situation that may occur, and I would rather have the lethal shot ready for the worst case scenario.  If it comes down to the fact that I need to use a firearm, deadly force is intended.

PS Rubber bullets hurt like a MOFO. I got to be a training dummy for the USMC Fleet Anti Terroism Security Team (F.A.S.T.) company.......that was not fun at all!!



Aaron

[THIS ASS FOR RENT]

While its no laughing matter....this kindof is.  In all seriousness I probably would've reacted the same way.  The last thing I want to do is kill someone, but if I'm ever forced to fire 1 shot....they will be receiving the other 9.   

On to the funny! 

Edited due to content....which must've been pretty bad for this place

[Hefe]

same thing happened to my brother
dude was wasted.. rambling something
my 400lb brother emerges from the shadows of his bedroom naked with a 12-GA
points it at the guy and says
you have about 3 seconds to get the FERK out of my house
all he saw was assholes and elbows as that dude flew out the door!

seems to me you need a dog that barks
my mom has those stupid shit-zoo's (I know.. thats not how you spell it)
dumb as FERK, but they will keep your lap warm and bark like hell any time someone comes in the door
just a thought