Well, My family and I have had an amazing last few days. After many years of drama with his mother, I finally have my eldest son Ethan (16 this month) here with us.
Ethan is my son from my High School girlfriend, and has lived most of his life in North Carolina with his mom and step dad. Because of her and my loathing for each other, I've had very limited contact with Ethan for the last 10 years.
This has been a scar I've worn in shame for many years, letting personal differences between his mother and I effect my relationship with my son. To the point that back in 2001, I received a phone call from Ethan (obviously prepared by his mother) asking me to let his stepdad adopt him.
Let me be the first to say that no knife could cut me so deeply as that simple phone call. An 8 year old son's plea to have a single family with a single last name cannot be ignored.
After allot of conversation with Ethan (8 years old at that time), all he wanted was what I thought (at that time) all kids should have, one mom, one dad, and a sister with the same last name as one complete family.
Grudgingly, I conceded to my son's request and allowed his stepfather to adopt him. A decision that has haunted my heart ever since.
The one shimmer of hope was given to me by Ethan during the court hearing for the adoption, when Ethan said to me and the court “Dad, I love you, and you will always be my Dad”
As you can imagine, even after promises of continued communications between Ethan and I, his mom effectively severed all communications between us.
I was, and have been devastated ever since.
Then, last year, something changed….
Ethan was in contact with my parents, and was living in my hometown in WI with his mother's mom. It seems Ethan was being to defiant for his parents, so they shipped him off to grandma for a year. (This is not the beginning of the trend they have of shipping their troubles of on others).
Through Ethan's Grandmother and my own parents, I resumed contact with Ethan. Email, Phone calls, whatever I could. He was struggling with school, and was quite obviously not doing well being shipped out as a “problem child” by his folks.
So, for roughly the last year I had contact with my son again, and I could at least be an ear for him to bend to listen to his problems.
Then, in July….it ended again. He went back to his folks in NC, and I was out of the picture one more time.
Thursday, August 6th 2009, I'm at work when an Email arrives from my mother. It says that she had just talked to Ethan's stepdad and they are considering sending Ethan to a state run foster home, but thought my parents might want him instead. My mother responded instantly and said, that yes they would take him, but I was the right answer for this.
Unbelievably, he and Ethan's mother agreed.
After I received the Email from my mother, I instantly called his stepdad, and discussed the problems, frustrations, and solutions I could provide for Ethan here in Colorado Springs.
Well, it worked. Ethan's mother and stepdad are signing all parental rights and responsibility over to me 100%.
Ethan arrived in Colorado Springs from NC, on Saturday, August 8th at 1:35pm.
I have my boy back, and he is home. He will never have to worry about being sent away again.
I am currently researching the legal requirements, and protocol to adopt Ethan back officially. And it should be fairly painless (besides the obvious legal costs) to accomplish because his parents are consenting.
As for Ethan's problems, we will tackle them together and with the professional help he should have had years ago, and without the emotional abuse he took with his mother. Day by day, step by step we will get through it together.
Without Nikki's love, my parents support, and my younger son Cole teaching me patients, none of this would be possible.
Attached is a picture of Ethan and I from yesterday morning. The first thing I chose to teach him now that he's home, is how a small amount of horsepower and dirt can clear your mind and give you a vacation from the stresses life can exert.
