Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the secretary said to her boss.

"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" her boss asked. "Can't you tell me some good news for once?"

"OK," the secretary replied, "you're not sterile!"

[Peelz]

WHat do you do to an ELephant with 3 balls?
Walk him and pitch to the rhino.


watched Hot Shots last night!!!

[Krandall]

ERMAHGERD..

[Lady4Fiddy]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
GERD loves drunk people too.

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

[jstev]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I likey

[Krandall]

[dragonz]

"over here on the swing set" thats good!

[Krandall]

A group of managers are given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs: "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"

[Peelz]

A group of managers are given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs: "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"

  good one.

[Magz]

reminds me of

A group of scientists is studying the effects of injuries on insects. One species they decide to test is grasshoppers. So they take a grasshopper, put it on a table, and say, "Jump." And the grasshopper jumps. They measure the length of the jump, the takeoff angle, the overall height, the time in the air, etc.

Then they pick up the grasshopper, and pull one of its legs off.

They put the grasshopper back on the table, and again say, "Jump." And the grasshopper jumps. They take all the measurements again, and then pull another leg off.

They keep repeating this until they pull the last leg off. They then put the grasshopper on the table, and say, "Jump."

The grasshopper doesn't move.

"Jump," they say again even louder. Still nothing.

So the scientists get together, discuss their findings, and then publish their conclusion:

When you pull all the legs off a grasshopper, it becomes deaf.

[Krandall]

[Magz]

A young women was waiting at a bus stop. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends." 

[Krandall]

ERMAHGERD.. Awesome!

[Hefe]

:lmfao:

[Krandall]

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Englishman are discussing their previous night's lovemaking.

The Italian says: "I rubbed fine olive oil all over my wife, then we made wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."

The Frenchman says: "I rubbed sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour."

The Englishman says: "I covered my wife's body with lard. We made love and she screamed for six hours."

The others say: "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?"

"Simple, the Englishman replies: "I wiped my hands on the drapes."