Post some good jokes here!!!!

[NaturalRaptor]

 

Two boys are playing football in Colorado when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Buffs Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal", he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Buffs fan," the little hero replies.

"Sorry, since we're in Colorado, I just assumed you were," says the reporter.

Again, he starts writing in his notebook: "Colorado State Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack."

But the boy interrupts sheepishly, "I'm not really a Colorado State fan either." "I just assumed that everyone in Colorado was either a fan of the CU Buffaloes or CSU Rams. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan," the child says proudly.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes "Little Redneck Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."

[Colorado700R]

Why is always so windy in Oklahoma?



Becuase Texas sucks 

[NaturalRaptor]

How can you tell when a Colorado graduate has sent you a fax?

























There's a stamp on it.   

[Colorado700R]

Good Advice if You're Moving to Texas

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.
If you do settle in Texas and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Texans. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call'em biscuits!
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Texans can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive pick-up equipped with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
You can ask Texans for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Remember: "Y'all is singular." "All y'all is plural." All y'all's is plural possessive."
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.
The first Texas expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol," as in "big ol truck," or "big ol boy."
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Texans learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
If you hear a Texan exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
Most Texans do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Texas license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.
If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in Texas. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house, and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
Be advised that in Texas, "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

[Colorado700R]

How many Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three, one to screw it in, one to call it a tradition and the other to lead the yell, "Screw The Hell Outta the Lightbulb!"

How many University of Texas students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four, one to screw it in, one boasts about how great the light bulbs were back when Darrel Royal was there and the other two leave about halfway through.

How many Rice students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to relieve the stress of screwing it in by running naked through campus.

How many TCU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four, one to call Daddy to do it and the other three to find the perfect coordinating J Crew outfits.

How many Texas Tech students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
All of them: One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to try desperately to establish a rivalry with the other Big XII schools in lightbulb screwing.

How many University of Houston students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They don't want the gangs to know they're in there.

How many Baylor students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They haven't received electricity yet in Waco.

How many SMU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to make the martinis and the other to hire someone else to screw the bulb in.

[NaturalRaptor]

A Husker Fan is having breakfast one morning: Coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jelly. When a Colorado Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Husker Fan ignores the Colorado Fan, who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Colorado Fan: "You Nebraska folk eat the whole bread?"

Husker Fan: " Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (after blowing a large bubble) "We don't in Colorado, we Only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Nebraska."

The Colorado Fan has a smirk on his face.

The Husker Fan listens in silence. The Colorado Fan persists.

Colorado Fan: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"

Husker Fan: "Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth & chuckling) "We don't. In Colorado we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and jelly and sell it to Nebraska."

The Husker Fan then asks, "Do you have sex in Colorado?"

Colorado Fan: "Why of course we do", he says with a smirk.

Husker Fan: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Colorado Fan: "We throw them away, of course?"

Husker Fan: "We don't. In Nebraska, we put them all in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to Colorado."

[NaturalRaptor]

You might be from Colorado if : Your SUV tire size exceeds your IQ.   



Its been fun, I'm outa here! 

[blueyamaha]

A Husker Fan is having breakfast one morning: Coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jelly. When a Colorado Fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The Husker Fan ignores the Colorado Fan, who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Colorado Fan: "You Nebraska folk eat the whole bread?"

Husker Fan: " Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (after blowing a large bubble) "We don't in Colorado, we Only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Nebraska."

The Colorado Fan has a smirk on his face.

The Husker Fan listens in silence. The Colorado Fan persists.

Colorado Fan: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"

Husker Fan: "Of course!"

Colorado Fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth & chuckling) "We don't. In Colorado we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and jelly and sell it to Nebraska."

The Husker Fan then asks, "Do you have sex in Colorado?"

Colorado Fan: "Why of course we do", he says with a smirk.

Husker Fan: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Colorado Fan: "We throw them away, of course?"

Husker Fan: "We don't. In Nebraska, we put them all in a container, Recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to Colorado."

That is a good one!!

[BRAD]

B-Rad's favorite $exual position: "Doggy" style. 


He "sits and begs" while his woman "rolls over and plays dead"

ASSHOLE thats all i have to say there

[Peelz]

B-Rad's favorite $exual position: "Doggy" style. 


He "sits and begs" while his woman "rolls over and plays dead"

ASSHOLE thats all i have to say there

you were on when I posted it! thought you would see it right away.

[BRAD]

B-Rad's favorite $exual position: "Doggy" style. 


He "sits and begs" while his woman "rolls over and plays dead"

ASSHOLE thats all i have to say there

you were on when I posted it! thought you would see it right away.

i think i had just signed off an went to work around that time. its a funny joke though i will have to tell it to my boss tomorrow

[Peelz]

B-Rad's favorite $exual position: "Doggy" style. 


He "sits and begs" while his woman "rolls over and plays dead"

ASSHOLE thats all i have to say there

you were on when I posted it! thought you would see it right away.

i think i had just signed off an went to work around that time. its a funny joke though i will have to tell it to my boss tomorrow

yeah, like I said before, drunk posting from parent's old a$$ laptop, slooooowwww!

[BRAD]

Redneck Hitchiker   

  A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them -- with a priest in the truck, he'd have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.
A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a "BOOM!" The driver looks over at the priest, who says, "Don't worry -- I got him with the door."

[BRAD]

Redneck Drivers   

  The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, shit!''

In Kentucky 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.'' 

[BRAD]

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.

"I can't wear your trousers." she said.

"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.

"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."