Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Spider/Paleface513]

Lol

[Krandall]

Two rednecks drive through a gas station to fill up their truck. They notice a sign saying "Enter here for a chance at free sex!" They wander inside and ask the attendant how to enter. The attendant says that they have to guess a number between one and ten.

The first guy guesses five. The attendant says: "Sorry, but the number is eight." The second guy guesses seven and the attendant says: "Sorry, but the number was three."

As the two rednecks drive away, one of them turns to the other and says: "You know, I think that contest was rigged."

The second guy replies: "Naw, it's on the up and up. My wife won twice last week."

[Krandall]

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. Seeing GERD, she asked if this was it. GERD said: "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of GERD, she demanded: "I thought you said I had another 43 years?"

"Sorry," GERD replied: "I didn't recognize you."

[Spider/Paleface513]

LMFAO

[Krandall]

"Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady," a young boy said to his mother.

"Well, you did the right thing," his mother replied.

"But Mom, I was sitting on Dad's lap."

[Spider/Paleface513]

That's funny right there!!!

[Krandall]

A husband, proud of the fact that his wife has given birth to six children, begins to call her "Mother of Six" rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife grows tired of her husband's description.

"Mother of Six," he'd say: "Get me a beer!" or "Hey, Mother of Six, what's for dinner tonight?"

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly calls out: "Hey, Mother of Six, I think it's time to go!"

The wife seizes the moment and shouts back: "I'll be right with you, Father of Four!"

[Spartan]

[Krandall]

A doctor is performing a highly complicated surgical procedure on a young boy with an eye defect. When the surgery is complete, he addresses the parents and says: "Your son is going to be just fine. We grafted some skin from his scrotum to widen his eyelids and he'll have 20/20 vision when he wakes up."

"So he'll be perfectly normal?" ask the parents.

"Well, not exactly" says the doctor: "He might look a little cock-eyed."

[Peelz]

queue the muffled trumpet sound... "bwah wah wah"

[Krandall]

[Spartan]

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a shrink and told him, 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the Doctor.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'And how, may I ask, did a mere bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

Life is short. Drink more beer.

[Lady4Fiddy]

[Krandall]

A wife is cooking eggs in the kitchen, when she turns to her husband and demands sex right away. Without delay, he makes loves to her on the table.

"What was that all about?" he asks, a few minutes later.

"The egg timer is broken."

[Spider/Paleface513]

Hopefully she was boiling them,lmao!!