Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

[Magz]

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony in Oklahoma . On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection. The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'

She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.

'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.'Here's my membership card.. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500.00 membership fee..'

But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'

'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart about 15 times a day.

I'm outta here.'

[Spider/Paleface513]

Super funny

[Hefe]

not looking forward to getting old

[Krandall]

Already there hefer......

[Krandall]

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said: "I'll have a shave and a shoeshine."

The barber began to sharpen the old straight edge and lathered the cowboy's face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said: "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."

She replied: "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."

The cowboy said: "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."

She said: "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."

[Hefe]

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

[Krandall]

 

[Hefe]

[Krandall]

[Hefe]

[Colorado700R]

Question:
              What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?
             




Answer:
              A crazy bitch who WILL find you!

[Krandall]

[Krandall]

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him: "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 280. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman: "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

[Krandall]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped just inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look, buddy, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied: "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years."