Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Lady4Fiddy]

^^^^   

[Krandall]

 

[Krandall]

Preddy and his to be wife were lying in bed one evening. She was knitting and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looked up from the page and said to her: "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied: "Oh, yeah? Prove it."

The Preddy frowned for a moment, then said: "OK." He got up and walked out, leaving his to be wife with a confused look on her face. About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty.

"Well," he said: "I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't orgasm, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?"

[Krandall]

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door, she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.


"What are you doing?", she exclaimed.


The daughter replied: "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."


Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator.


"What are you doing?", he exclaimed.


The daughter replied: "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."


A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.


"What are you doing?", he asked.


He replied: "Watching the game with my son-in-law."

[Colorado700R]

A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him
with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday --
duuhhh

[Krandall]

An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said: "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had." 


The old man, feeling a bit obliged, leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said: "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man, again feeling obligated, reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated: "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine." 


This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked: "Was it something I said? Where are you going?"


The old man looked at her and replied: "I'm going in the other room to get my teeth!"

[Colorado700R]

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint .

when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,

 

'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'




So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.  After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink...

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,


'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,

'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude....
How much water did you drink!?'

[Krandall]

 

[Krandall]

This guy visits the doctors and says: "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."


The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."


The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife: "Take off your clothes and lie on the table."


She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.


He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."

[Krandall]

 

An 80-year-old man was having his annual check-up when the doctor asked him how he was feeling.


"I've never been better!", he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"


The doctor considered this for a moment then said: "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."


The doctor continued: "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?", the doctor queried.


Dumbfounded, the old man replied: "No."


The doctor continued: "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man: "Someone else must have shot that bear."


"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.

[Peelz]

 

awesome joke. 

[Krandall]

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2:00 in the morning. The blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said: "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.


"Who was that?", the husband asked.


"I don't know," the wife replied: "some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'"

[Temptation]

Two prostitues are walkin, one says, "girl! we're gonna get paid tonight. I can smell the dick in the air." The other turns and says, "I burped bitch."

[Krandall]

Two friends decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One hunter looks at the other and says: "I just don't understand it -- why aren't we getting any ducks?"


His friend says: "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

[Krandall]

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman... then, poof! It was all gone!"


"What happened?", asked the friend.


"My wife found out."