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Other/Off-Topic => Off-Topic => Topic started by: Peelz on August 17, 2018, 12:30:21 PM
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raptor doodz... need your thoughts on something.. for real-too long for chatz.
its a post about a young soccer player under my tutelage, so lets just assume I already know the nonsense youre going to say about the sport, so save that for next time this is more about the human condition. ;)
My philosophy on the sport is. "Get more kids playing better, with a passion for it" not just because moms want to hang out and have starbucks while they talk $hit about other moms(common).
The club I coach for, is a traveling, higher level system. Not cutthroat or anything, but higher expectations, more drive. Usually, before the season, there is a "teaming" day, which is a tryout of sorts. But, Not to cut kids out, but to place them with the correct age groups, divisions etc, for their development.
With that in mind, heres the story:
We held the teaming in June. Roster was set... all ready to go late July. Got my Finalized roster last week(training started this last monday) , brand new kid on my list! (Wtf lol Ive already contacted everyone and had a team/parent meeting). very young for my age group. Parents names dont match his name..so I expect some drama, it may be petty but i mentally prepare for stuff like that. Ill be honest, Parents suck sometimes..... :rofl: well. This kid shows up.. And is Probz the worst behaved child Iv'e ever had the opportunity to coach. (i have had some bad ones) Day one, 20 minutes in.... ripping off practice jersey in frustration, "i'm not good, nobody passes me the ball, nobody likes me" says kids are making fun of him. I heard Banter.... very minimal, appropriate for 11yr old boys. Walked off the field 5 times. The assistant coach, ran one drill, which was just a warmup leg stretch, the kid refused to listen. -he gave up :/
The boys on my team are pretty talented, my son included, but they work hard for it. During Some 1 on 1 drills, my boys were just taking him down(as I would expect-full effort). 5 times this kid ripped of his kit and walked away. I took a few of them aside and asked them to chill, not embarrass the new kid.
-would you do this, or let nature take its course-if he quits he quits? on a coach level, i can understand just letting it go.... but on a human level I am in a Struggle.
by day 3 he was better but still very bad. head butting goal post because kick went astray.... calling out other boys, tattling on them for innocent banter(i was listening)..... ugh. BUT, I got a fist bump out of him at the end, like he had fun....
Now, why im struggling... After day one practice, he must have went home upset... Got email from mom warning me about him... actually turns out NOT mom. Mom died, and, dad is in prison. THis is his guidance counselor, and together with the principal of his school, they are raising him. Eff....feel horrible. I hate when people give up on or hurt kids for their own agendas....I wnat to help this kid.
So type of advice i'm lookin' for... How to balance the extra care this kid will require, without affecting the other kids' development. We are not a "Winning is all" type of club. But if its not important, why are we here even playing at all....amiright? :rofl: How much help is too much.
When this kid gets put into his first ISL league match next weekend, hes going to get absolutely demolished. and its going to hurt. If he pulls even half the rage he had from practice, Im going to have to yank him....
we've all had this experience of being outclassed, its life, its what drives us. (think peels first time he rolled his bashed up 3 mod 660 from shithole iowa to the dunes and got dusted lol)
But really...if I have a chance to push a kid down a positive path, and I dont try...ill feel responsible for helping his demise.
:(
mostly, just venting... so thanks for listening.
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man... this one is tough... let me stew
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man... this one is tough... let me stew
it is, Im probably over-focusing on it... but I cant help it.
giving me heartburn. :rolleyes:
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the problem (in my head) is you can't let the kid drag down the rest of the kids who DO try hard and have done all the right things..
but still... kicking him to the curb just is wrong on so many levels
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Maybe it's worth having a chat with the 'parents'. And giving them the power to make the decision. Is there another soccer league? Maybe it's too high of a place and there's a community one? But at the same time.. of he goes there it's just gonna be another soccer coach who may not give a damn. As in 'not my problem'. It's a tough spot peelio and one that I think could be a potential lose/lose. Final parting thoughts. I say it's worth the extra effort on your part. If it doesn't then out.. you know you did all you could. But if for some reason it turns around. That's something money can't buy ya.
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the problem (in my head) is you can't let the kid drag down the rest of the kids who DO try hard and have done all the right things..
but still... kicking him to the curb just is wrong on so many levels
Maybe it's worth having a chat with the 'parents'. And giving them the power to make the decision. Is there another soccer league? Maybe it's too high of a place and there's a community one? But at the same time.. of he goes there it's just gonna be another soccer coach who may not give a damn. As in 'not my problem'. It's a tough spot peelio and one that I think could be a potential lose/lose. Final parting thoughts. I say it's worth the extra effort on your part. If it doesn't then out.. You know you did all you could. But if for some reason it turns around. That's something money can't buy ya.
exactly where am with it...both of ya. Worth it, to a finite extent. Honestly, should have been our beginners "Academy" league first...Club admin dropped the ball though and just blindly entered it. now, I fear, If I drop him down, that's another hit...ya know? And It isn't about talent, either.
Did Get an email from Mom (guardian) thanking me for my support, saying "that's exactly what he needs"..... but its Just natural to me....when hes throwin' a fit... grab him by the shoulder, walk his ass back to the drill area and say shit like "cant get better if you don't try" :blah: :lol: Mon-Wed, i have a club coach helping. so those days I can focus on him. then Thursday, i can do things my way see if I can get him to gel.
Also, found out they'll miss first set of games. so Ill have an extra week to work with him, so well see. thought about chatting with them, double checking they MEANT to put him at this level... because there is also the regular 4000000000 kids rec league that plays every weekend....
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my son was barfin all night... so he wont go to practice today. But ill be going to check on him get the staff coach started. He seemed to be better Monday, but still a little standoffish and quick to rage :( BUT didn't need my full time attention.
fingers crossed thats a sign there's a chance to fix it.
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hope your son gets better,
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hope your son gets better,
hell be fine. probably ate too much junk food and stayed up too late fortniting with his buddies. :rofl:
tomorrow is first day of school. I need him to rest.
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"where are we dropping, BOYS?" :rofl:
you slackers our kids started school like 3 weeks ago.........
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"where are we dropping, BOYS?" :rofl:
you slackers our kids started school like 3 weeks ago.........
LOL
he actually missed today. Poor Kid ralphin all night... :(
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ours start on the 27th
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COlin feelin better today, hell get to play in first game....
also, my new kid I think ive pushed him just the right amount. seems to be out of his shell, conversing with the other kids... no more freakin out. I little issue here and there, but not so disruptive now. skill-wise, hell still lag, but not embarrassingly, and his temper has waned. A couple issues with needing immediate reinforcement after doing something.... but other kids are like that..... :thumbs:
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good to hear!
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He's better...but Saturday is our first tournament. 3 matches. I know.... Winning doesn't matter, but, i mean. it does a little, why tf else would we do it... its a tournament. :rolleyes:
Had a few issues last two days of training. Doesn't listen when you try to correct him. Then gets it right once and calls out other players. Not good. I'm worried for him. But at the same time, I wont tolerate disruptive behavior. And I think it might go pretty bad when he gets his first taste of real competition. :(
policy is, I have to give him 10 minutes of continuous play. :shrug:
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well. You can't expect a full change in the course of two weeks. :)
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well. You can't expect a full change in the course of two weeks. :)
nope, didnt.
Iv'e asked the Head of coaching to come watch a match, and give me advice. Because I tend to be mr passive aggressive, aka wishy washy lol. and just let things go, just living with problems. Fine most of the time... but bad others. :rolleyes: just who i am.
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Peels.... wishy washy? no... really??
and who holds an important game on a such a huge family vacation weekend? (or is that just a Michigan thing?)
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Peels.... wishy washy? no... really??
and who holds an important game on a such a huge family vacation weekend? (or is that just a Michigan thing?)
first, a quick reminder, about who rode 500+ miles to see who. ;)
secondly. agree. but not all that big here I guess. Hanging out on Monday with some fam. shooting bang bangs..
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lets talk more about the bang bangs!
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lets talk more about the bang bangs!
we got dumped on this weekend. soccer fields were soup. went to the fam thing, more rain. no click bangs. :rofl:
kid did OK though. no meltdowns! :thumbs:
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related news:
I am doubling down on this damned sport.... with Wifey's blessing. the old recreational league I would normally coach, one of the moms messaged me. Nobody stepped up to volunteer. :( So she did, has NO clue about the sport and asked for help. It's all Colin's old buddies. So we are going to ALSO help with their practice, and I'm going to unleash him on their league. :lol: We went and watched them, we were already out there because Colin got to do his first paid job, of refereeing the little under-8 rec-league kids (adorable) And well... his team, they need help. Terrible. :lol:
so, 4 days in Town now, plus weekends gone. the only one I have off, we're doing the Ozarks.
Anyhoo, Guess its a sign of getting old maybe...but, as stressful as all of this is, on me, and sometimes my marriage (basically, finding time to focus on it and still getting ME time) I tell ya, putting energy into something like this that future generations will benefit from has a calming effect on me. Plus, it feels a bit like my dad is still around....doubly calming.
:thumbs:
Fall coming, its gorgeous out finally...summer was brutal. need to get back into shape again. I fell off the wagon, HARD. :rolleyes:
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need to get back into shape again. I fell off the wagon, HARD. :rolleyes:
me too!!!
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need to get back into shape again. I fell off the wagon, HARD. :rolleyes:
me too!!!
alright old man! lets do this. :rofl:
but srs. :nod:
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Little update to the story. we had a team pumpkin carving party for the kids... Good time...had a chance to catch up with this kids "mom" the guidance counselor. SUPER nice OLD lady.
I Asked her if he was still enjoying playing, or dreading it... being that hes quite aways behind. He still struggles sometimes... normal banter vs mocking the other kids.... I told her hes doing "okay" just a few issues.... He lied to me about playing the sport for a long time "yeah he does that" yeah I probably would too.
She proceeded to tell me his whole story, and let me just say.... people suck! Its More than just "mom died, dads in jail..."
starts with "from where he started, you'd be amazed, he was like a puppy, literally, including the housebreaking - I should probably have met with you before enrolling him"
mom, drug addict now deceased, had custody. Apparently, left him alone hours on end... AND, she OD'd while he was in the house. day and a half. when he was 3.
Didn't learn to speak till he was 3 1/2... guess he would just pi$$ and $hit all over the house....
moms gone, Dad gets custody. Goes nuts. Fires handgun all over the house, knocks out some windows, then points it at himself, with son and other folks in the room. Gun jams.... Dad goes to jail. gets out, has new girlfriend from canada, who steals his money, then they start robbing houses and are on the lam I guess. she tells me, pretty sure they're going to have to raise him, Dad isnt going to show up for the hearings... their kids are in their 30's.... the reason they do, he had gone to 12 different fosters. and that's not helping anybody.....
f**k me, guys. I feel like $hit dad when I forget to feed my kids something healthy because I'M in a hurry. ::)
IF all this kid ends up with is is a problem of playing the victim, consider him lucky.
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WOW. I don't even know what to say. It's legitimately sad to see kids not even get a fighting chance. There's a lot of people in this world who don't deserve to have kids. I don't even know how to respond to that kid. So, is the guidance counselor planning on fully raising him or just fostering til they can find a legit family? I think it can turn out to be a good happy ending story however, there's a lot of damage done already. It's crazy to see how those first few years can really impact a child's personality.
I really can't express how bad I feel for the kid. It's not his fault. :(
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WOW. I don't even know what to say. It's legitimately sad to see kids not even get a fighting chance. There's a lot of people in this world who don't deserve to have kids. I don't even know how to respond to that kid. So, is the guidance counselor planning on fully raising him or just fostering til they can find a legit family? I think it can turn out to be a good happy ending story however, there's a lot of damage done already. It's crazy to see how those first few years can really impact a child's personality.
I really can't express how bad I feel for the kid. It's not his fault. :(
right? so hard.
that's why they have him. They were tired of watching him bounce around from house to house... and she tells me, that this kid isn't an anomaly. TONS of people cant handle regular care for their kids. gotta be depressing.
Her, and her husband, (the principal) know its going to be bad for him. so they just want to give him a flying chance...so do I.
just terrible. and knowing this. the kid really isn't that bad. Just not maturity level you'd expect. But all kids have problems this age really. My son, i think the hormones are happenin'. He has no patience for lazy kids. or shitty refs lol hes 11. its natural, just funny its happenin all at once. kid tuggin on his jersey pulls him down... he gets up with the "Come at me" look. The kid was like 2 ft tall. maybe 20lbs. "quit grabbin on me bro!" ref cautions him, starts to look like he might cry. :lol: funny...
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So, indoor soccer season is coming up. I sent out a message to parents with the signup info. this kid, sent email directly to Sara, his caregiver... guardian whatever... hell be in a younger group, so I prob wont coach his team on game days, but, since we combine teams for training, Ill be there to help him out for practice.
Asked her how how he was doing, since haven't seen the boys in a a month or so... Told her to wish him a Merry Christmas for me.. :thumbs:
she replies...
"Xach is doing really well. But...his dad is losing all his rights as a father to him after all, which is a no-win for anyone. He is handling better than I ever could though, and He seems to have really connected with you, and was very excited to hear indoor is starting, and that you'll be there"
:thumbs: :)
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Nice Peels... srs… that's awesome!
not easy to connect with a broken kid... mad props
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Nice Peels... srs… that's awesome!
not easy to connect with a broken kid... mad props
it is. long way to go. But... it'll certainly take time to try and fix the disgusting world this kid's parents created for him.
just makes me sick.
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Man, especially after becoming a dad. More and more I have a soft spot for stuff like this. Said it before and I'll say it again. You're doing the world a favor Peelio. It sucks there's kids who don't get a chance at all. Even if it doesn't work out for the best. He's at least got a better shot than he ever has.
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this is nice and all... but can we go back to the way we normally trash Peels... this feels yucky
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this is nice and all... but can we go back to the way we normally trash Peels... this feels yucky
:conceit:
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Peelz, I just went through the whole post and can't congratulate you enough. I'm like Kranny, before having my little one I would've said put him through the ringer and toughen him up. But damn I'm such a softy now it isn't funny, poor kid. I'm glad he has a good coach and someone to look up to. You've changed the rest of his life for the better already.
Now like Hefe said, back to the trashy talk. I'm weirded out.
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Peelz, I just went through the whole post and can't congratulate you enough. I'm like Kranny, before having my little one I would've said put him through the ringer and toughen him up. But damn I'm such a softy now it isn't funny, poor kid. I'm glad he has a good coach and someone to look up to. You've changed the rest of his life for the better already.
Now like Hefe said, back to the trashy talk. I'm weirded out.
hes in "the ringer" but i'm cranking slowly. you know....? i'm afraid of breaking him, and putting him right back in the cycle he came out of.
sometimes its more than just "sporting all the sports" :rofl:
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Sometimes it takes a little tenderness. ;)
But really what you're doing for him is really making a world of difference.
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you guys....
this kid.... goin' back to the first post...
I was within seconds of telling the board to boot him out, because of what Hefe referred to and we discussed here... not letting the extra effort it will take bring the others down.
Im so very glad i didn't. thanks to you guys for lettin me vent a bit... spitball...
We're in the winter, so no real club team stuff to speak of.... just indoor 'Futsal' where my kids are broken into smaller teams and play with outside players. (Soccer played on basketball court, less players focusing on skill moves) this kid, though still a bit different... "goofy" in social situations.... shows up amped, ready to play. gives it his all. (even somewhat skilled) volunteers for goalkeeper... has mini-crashes where he gets really down on himself for making an error, like missing a pass or shot-because the rest of the kids are very skilled and hes embarrassed. but, he comes out of it now.... and has a good time, gets back into it.
His caregiver, he calls her "aunt", gushes over what Iv'e done for him... which isn't my aim, but it feels good to hear. :thumbs:
My club made us all choose player awards for a banquet we are having. Something I'm somewhat against at youth level at least honestly-theyre still developing... (I believe awards can make the high skilled complacent, and the less skilled can have their spirit broken so its a tight rope to have to walk) But, they get a tshirt and a little plaque....
Anyhoo, one of the awards I had to select, was "most improved" welp. Iv'e given it to the kid! :) I have 15 other kids that maybe probably could be put in there.....so prob ruffle a couple soccer mom panties because theyre kid is "the best" but. shit the kid earned it. and it will help the most going forward. Im dramatizing here. My group of moms isnt too bad...theyre actually pretty level headed. I wont have that nonsense.
side note, one of the categories was "players' player" based on votes. which actually is important in my mind. muh pink haired boy won it. :)
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That's awesome all around peelz. That award to him has the potential to do more for him than you could imagine. :thumbs:
gratz to your boy too! Super cool!
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That's awesome all around peelz. That award to him has the potential to do more for him than you could imagine. :thumbs:
gratz to your boy too! Super cool!
;)
Im feeling like im becoming an old man lol.. i struggle any time a kid is treated badly. even if its simple...but if im involved, it bugs me
this kid is extreme, but is no way alone.
Another kid, my sons good friend, a good kid, and excellent player.. his dad showed up booze on his breath at 10:30 am. :/
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FWIW, that's about the only way I'll be showing up to a soccer game too.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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FWIW, that's about the only way I'll be showing up to a soccer game too.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
:rofl:
but
:mad:
but
:shrug: if thats what gets you there :rofl:
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I setup some EXTRA matches this saturday and then may 4th, out of my own pocket. my own time.... with the express purpose of giving the younger/less developed kids some play time with similar skill levels. bringing kids UP from the 10 and under level.
Designed to develop lower kids without holding back the better ones, like we discussed here. Troubled kid the MAIN target. as he could use some success when he does the work... he is ill-equipped to deal with adversity, especially when its his own issues.
I need 9 kids to play. I get a notification today that only 2 coming from the level below. (i expected 6)
Troubled kid, I asked his "mom" last week. "yes well be there, thanks for doing this for him" Today "Oh were out of town for easter" along with 2 other cancellations.
from my team, i have 4 I expected 7
so I have 6 kids where I expected 13 lol Im bringing my better players... my son included. guess well just smash the competeition and ill look like a douche. but oh well. Maybe thatll be good for their little egos. lol
As far as Xach goes, thought he was getting better..... Then, yesterday was the first time I felt "this is a waste of time, nothing I can do for this kid" and I feel bad about it....
showed up to practice, late. his "dad" 60 years old now, gently pushing him "you wanted to come, go play" he comes out, plays for a few minutes, then just stands there looking at the ground, shruggin. I engage him. "I don't feel comfortable on this team now. i'm having some discomfort, don't really feel like trying" ::) I Push a little. 2 minutes later, whips off his shinguards, cleats, walks off barefoot.
came back 15 minutes later and practiced.... half-a$$ed.
I messaged the mom asking how he was doing, told her he had a rough day... well they have custody now, but its going really poorly she said. Therapy twice a week....
oof..... :(
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still deciding if I want to be nice to you, or FERK with you... stay tuned!!!
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:rofl: Hefer.
Don't give up peelz, could be something that would come back yeras later. If you give it your all now and kid turns out sh*tty. At least you know you did what you could.
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still deciding if I want to be nice to you, or FERK with you... stay tuned!!!
guess i dont understand why youd ferk with me...? i used your advice coming up with ideas to solve my problems. lol so you ferkin with yerself homie
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fair enough
no I was gonna go all "sports is stooped" :blah:
but Randy said it best... you're doing what you think is right... and that's all you can do...
I still have teachers that I feel were a big influence.. maybe someday this kid will look back fondly on you
side note:
My brother and I share the same Favorite Teacher (Metal Fabrication class).. big shock there :lol:
and we recently had HIM as a student in a CPL class... and he was NOT a good student! (karma maybe?)
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LOL
sports is no more stoopid than any other human endeavour. could do nothing I guess. :rofl:
Now, sports as the religion it is in america.... nah. bugs me especially the money flowing into college sports like theyre pros, and still having to pay huge amounts to go to said colleges. I do see the youth level as a way for kids to find their best selves. leaders, followers. heads-down workers... all the while teaching them to love something I once did. and not get fat.
I enjoy the part about kids discovering their own strengths.... Our country doesnt do that enough in my opinion. we just tell em all "you can be whatever you want, if you can dream it, you can do it" because walt disney said so. Then we send them out to into the world with no game plan, to fail and become alcoholics. :rofl:
I do not coach or parent that way.
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we tend to forget to mention they will have to work hard for it
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I truly do believe this. "you can be whatever you want, if you can dream it, you can do it"
nail on the head, hefer. You'll have to work for it, and some may have to work harder than others to do it. All a part of the game.
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I truly do believe this. "you can be whatever you want, if you can dream it, you can do it"
nail on the head, hefer. You'll have to work for it, and some may have to work harder than others to do it. All a part of the game.
:thumbs:
I do too. but....
we tend to forget to mention they will have to work hard for it
^ that.
and some have to work even harder because it goes against their grain..... All humans are born and raised different, all with different strengths, which can't be taught by pointless college courses or by a soccer or other sport coach. But, you can gently push them in the direction they're naturally suited for to give them an edge.
:soapbox:
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So my boy Xach is doing well. Still issues of course, but... Hes been placed on the lower age and level team, with the guy who assisted me. It should be good for him.
We do a summer "rec league" for fun, he came up and fist-bumped me. Had his goalkeeper gloves on... "sup coach, cant wait for the next season"
Starts in two weeks. Relaxin' a bit for now. :thumbs: