Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks: "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies. "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says: "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties," he said.
The woman giggles and replies: "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains: "Damn thing must be an hour fast."



Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

[Flynbyu]

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

~Brian

[Krandall]

 

[AJ RAPTOR]

A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea".

[AJ RAPTOR]

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
 

[BRAD]

Good one you guys.

The vampires tea is just plain sick

[Krandall]

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
 

 

[Flynbyu]

A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks: "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies. "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says: "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"What's it telling you now?" she asked.
"Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties," he said.
The woman giggles and replies: "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"
The man explains: "Damn thing must be an hour fast."



Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

Hell yeah!

Great pick up line!

~Brian

[Krandall]

Dad at the Mall
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
 
When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
 
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response... "Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[BRAD]

Holy shit man. That's funny as hell

[Peelz]

Conversation between Two rednecks hunting at a pond:

First: "MR DUX"

Second: "MR NO DUX"

"OSAR"

"CDEDBD wings"

B-rad may translate.

[Krandall]

ICDEDBD Wings!

[Flynbyu]

Boo! Boo!



~Brian

[BRAD]

What the hell Peels?  I dnt have a clue what they are saying.

[Krandall]

What the hell Peels?  I dnt have a clue what they are saying.

First: "MR DUX"
Em Are Ducks
Them Are Ducks

Second: "MR NO DUX"
Em Not Ducks
Them Not Ducks

"OSAR"
Oh Es Ay Are
Oh Yes they are

"CDEDBD wings"
See Dee EE Dee Bee Dee Wings
See The itty bitty wings