Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Busby]

Stuck in a traffic jam

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway.

Nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What's going on?'
'Terrorists down the road have kidnapped Stephen Harper, Stephane Dion
& Jack Layton

They're asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to
douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection.'

The driver asks, 'How much is everyone giving, on average?'

'Most people are giving about 4 litres'

[Peelz]

very funny busby.   I don't recognize the names though. UK?

[Busby]

LOL I thought it was someone from the US it got sent to me so I thought I would just share it.

[Krandall]

 

[Lady4Fiddy]

The Bathtub Test

During  a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised. 

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask
him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?' 

[Peelz]

priceless!!!!

[Busby]

  like it

[Lady4Fiddy]

 Wise Old Man     

       
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

[Lady4Fiddy]

State Trooper   

    
A state trooper pulls a car over for speeding. In the car is an old lady who is hard of hearing and her husband.

When the trooper asks the lady for her driver's license the lady responds, “Heh, what did he say?”

The old man speaks up as he says, “HE NEEDS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE.”

A few minutes later the trooper comes back to the car and says, “Ma'am I see you're from Florida.”

The old lady comments, “Heh, what did he say?”

The old man speaks up as he says, “HE SEES YOU'RE FROM FLORIDA.'” The old lady nods her head, “Yup.”

The trooper mutters, “Boy, one time, I got the worst piece of ass I ever had in Florida.”

The old lady replies, “Heh, what did he say?”

The old man yells, “HE SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU!”

[BRAD]

good ones RP

[Lady4Fiddy]

Here's another one but it won't let me copy it. YOU WILL PEE!   

http://www.comicwonder.com/joke/8a46a9b4a

[Colorado700R]

Iranian air defenses...

In addition to communicating with the local air traffic control facility, aircraft are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute "heads up" that they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the emergency frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai. It's too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this ...

Air Defense Radar: "Unknown aircraft at (location unknown), you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself."

Aircraft: "This a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace."

Air Defense Radar: "You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!"

Aircraft: "This is a United States Marine fighter. Send 'em up!"

Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence) =

[UncleBeaner]

why did the chicken cross the road?


































seriously i have no fucking idea

[Lady4Fiddy]

To get to the other side

[Flynbyu]

Three football fans were out for a ride when one noticed a foot
 sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and
 discovered a nude female, dead drunk.
 
 Out of respect and propriety, the fan from KU took off his cap and
 placed it over her right breast. The Nebraska fan took off his cap and
 placed it over her left breast.  Following their lead, but with some
 grumbling, the AR fan took off his cap and placed it over her girly part.
 
 The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted
 his inspection. First, he lifted up the KU cap, replaced it, and  wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the   Nebraska cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the AR cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third  time, and replaced it one last time.
 
The KU fan was becoming annoyed and finally asked, 'What are you, a
 pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting  and looking?
 
'Well,' said the officer, 'I am simply surprised. Normally when I
 look under an Arkansas hat, I find an asshole.

~Brian