Post some good jokes here!!!!

[BRAD]

I'm not a Redneck, I'm a Hick 



the diffrence being my mother actual had to change her last name when they got married 

 

so did mine. i guess that makes me a Hick too

[Krandall]

Or is it... A Hick name changes to ease the suspicion?

[BRAD]

dman back to the Redneck I go

[Peelz]

You might be a redneck if you think genitalia is an Italian airline!

or lunch

[Busby]

Several men are in the changing room of their local football club. 

A mobile phone on a bench  rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk.     
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
 
MAN: 'Hello'
 
WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'
 
MAN: 'Yes'
 
WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000.    Is it OK if I buy it?'
 
MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'
 
WOMAN : 'I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models and darling, guess what?  I saw one I really liked.'
 
MAN: 'How much?'
 
WOMAN: '£390,000'
 
MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'
 
WOMAN: 'Wow that's Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. T hey're asking £2,950,000' for it.
 
MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £2,800,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra £150,000 if it's really a pretty good price.'
 
WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'
 
MAN : 'Bye! I love you, too.'
 
The man hangs up. T he other men in the changing room are staring  at him in astonishment, mouths agape.
He turns and asks:
   

' Anyone know who this phone belongs to? '

[Busby]

The Biker's Dilemma
 
A man was riding his Harley along a beautiful California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
 
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
 
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
 
The biker thought about it for a long time.
 
Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'
 
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

[Busby]

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'

I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.

[Busby]

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, as a Nun, I have seen and heard just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK......

My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party.'
IT IS THAT TIME OF YEAR!   TRICK OR TREAT.

[BRAD]

good ones busby

[Peelz]

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?'

I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.

   I dig it!

[Busby]

Skinny little white Newfie goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
Huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Newfie
staring at him, he looks down and says: '7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20inch
penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.'

The little white Newfie faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says,
What's wrong with you?'

In a weak voice the little guy says, 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says, 'I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me..... I'm 7 feet tall,
I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3pounds each
and my name is Turner Brown.'
The little white Newfie says:
Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jazus, I tought you said, 'Turn around!'

[Busby]

My five-year old students, are learning to read.
 
  Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said,                       
   
 'Look at this!  It's a frickin' elephant!'
 
 I took a deep breath, then asked...'What did you call it?'
 
 'It's a frickin' elephant!   It says so on the picture!'
   
And so it does...
 
   

 ' A f r i c a n  Elephant '  
 
 Hooked on phonics!    Ain't it wonderful?
   

[BRAD]

You might be a redneck if you've been married three times and you still have the same in-laws!

[BRAD]

What are a typical redneck's three last words?

"Hey, watch this! "

[BRAD]

Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?


















A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!