Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Busby]

POSSIBLY THE BEST BLONDE JOKE EVER
 
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.
 
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.
 
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist th at she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would some some more.
 
'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.'

'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde.
 
'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.

'Yes,' said the blonde , 'I'll go home and get it.'

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks a t it and says to her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'
 
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container ..
 
 
(Are you ready for this one!?)


'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.

[Krandall]

both are awesome 

[Peelz]

"push up bottom" 

bwaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaa!!!!!! f-in great busby!

[BRAD]

good ones busby

[Krandall]

 

amen man... a-freaking-men.

[BRAD]

good point ther GIR. maybe i need to start saving my cans

[exentix]

wow thats actually kinda scary  but still funny in an o GERD thats not good kinda way 

[Peelz]

If you had purchased $1000 of Fannie May shares one year ago it would now be worth $4.95, with Lehman Bros., earlier this week your $1000 would have been worth $16.50, $1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than $5, but if you bought $1000 worth of Coors one year ago, drank it all,
then took the empty cans to an aluminum re-cycling plant, you would get $214.

So based on the above statistics the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle.

 

 I seriously pooped my pants on that one! Sadly, the truth isn't always funny. But...this time it is..
because I own none of those stocks! But I do like Beer!

[Busby]

Be Very Quiet
 

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said: 'Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field.'
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran
back to his son. 'What's wrong?' the father asked. 'I told you to be quiet.'

The boy, bless his heart, answered;

'Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.   
I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.   
I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.   
I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.   
I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat.   
I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.   

But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said,     
 
'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'

' Well, I guess I just panicked

[Busby]

  Bottle of wine

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.  GERD works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.
The woman says, 'So, you're a man.  That's interesting. I'm a woman.  Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing
left, but we're unhurt.  This must be a sign from GERD that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our
days'.
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from GERD!  But you're still at
fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of
wine didn't break. Surely GERD wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies,  'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....'

      MORAL OF THE STORY:  Women are clever, evil bitches.

**** JUST INCASE ANY WOMAN WANTS TO BITCH AT ME FOR THIS .... DON'T BOTHER IT WAS SENT TO ME BY A WOMAN  *****

[Busby]

The Jewelry Store

An older, white haired man walked into a
 jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at
 his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special
 ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his
 stock and brought out a $5,000.00 ring. The old man
 said, 'No, I'd like to see something more
 special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special
 stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning
 ring at only $40,000.00 the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes
 sparkled and her  whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked
 how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by
 check. I know you need to make sure my check is good,
so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday
 to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday
afternoon,' he said.
 
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old
man.'There's no money in that account.' 'I
 know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about
my weekend!

[BRAD]

good ones Busby. and women are sneaky as hell

[Lady4Fiddy]

Why Parents Drink....

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
was absent but had not phoned in sick one day.
Needing to
have an urgent problem with one of the main computers
resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whisper. Hello ? 'Is your daddy home?' he asked. Yes ,' whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?' The child whispered, ' No .
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss
asked, 'Is your Mommy there?' ' Yes ' May I talk with her?' Again the small voice whispered, ' No ' Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman.
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the
policeman?' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.
Busy doing what?' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman and
the priest , ' came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss
asked, 'What is that noise?' A helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now
truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered,
' The search team just landed a helicopter' Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, 'What are they searching for?'
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled
giggle.. ME !

[Lady4Fiddy]

 New Diet

 

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Buster the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant?

So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.  Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended  up in the hospital  last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I  awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!  WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

[Busby]

  Nice ones Rappy