After being married for almost 60 years, an 85-year-old couple dies in a car crash. They had been in good health for the last decade, mainly due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercising.
When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter takes them to their mansion, which is adorned with a beautiful kitchen, a master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they look around, the husband asks St. Peter how much all this is going to cost.
"It's free," St. Peter replies. "This is Heaven."
Next, they go out into the back yard to survey the championship-style golf course the house is located on. They will have daily golfing privileges, and each week the course changes to a new one based on the Earth's great golf courses. The husband asks: "What are the green fees?"
St. Peter replies: "This is Heaven, you play for free."
Next, they go to the clubhouse and see the lavish buffet lunch where all the cuisines of the world are laid out. "How much to eat?" asks the husband.
"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replies, with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the husband asks timidly.
"That's the best part," St. Peter replies. "You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."
With that, the old man goes into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.
St. Peter and the man's wife both try to calm him down. They ask him what's wrong.
The old man looks at his wife and says: "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"
