Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Spartan]

Horny Haircuts!

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours."

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half."

The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."

A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"

Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"

[Krandall]

ROFL PATT!





One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves' union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walkout. Mrs. Claus was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

When he got there, Mrs. Claus was all up in his face and wouldn't stop badgering him. Then there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sleigh and that they were joining the elves in their walkout. Santa slammed the door and said: "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"

Moments later there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long and had just found one. The little angel asked: "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?"

And thus began the age old tradition of sticking an angel atop the tree.

[Hefe]

Reading him his Miranda rights, a female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving.

The female officer tells the man: "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The drunk replies: "Boobs."

[Peelz]

classic lol

[Hefe]

stop whoring

>> A Fishing Story
>>
>> I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.
>> Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass
>> bait.
>>
>> > Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed
>> > him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
>>
>> Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit.
>> So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in
>> its
>> mouth.
>> His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without
>> incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
>>
>> >
>> A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with
>> two more frogs in his mouth.
>>
>> Life is good.

[NaturalRaptor]

Unemployment Benefits
 
 

Congress has announced they intend to make it more difficult
to claim Unemployment Benefits.

Starting next Monday the forms will be printed in English.
 

[Spartan]

Unemployment Benefits
 
 

Congress has announced they intend to make it more difficult
to claim Unemployment Benefits.

Starting next Monday the forms will be printed in English.
 

[Magz]

Printed? Wow that counts everybody on RS out    

[Krandall]

A man walks into a police station and asks to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

"I’m sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,” says the duty officer.

“No, you don’t understand,” says the man. “I want to know how he got in the house without waking the wife. I've been trying to do that for years.”

[Krandall]

A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bum. He tells the doctor that he's a little concerned about what this could be.

After examining him, the doctor turns to his patient and says. "It's worse than I originally thought. That's just the tip of the iceberg."



ba-dum-crish!

[Spartan]

The economy is so bad that:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford batteries.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
I bought a toaster-oven and my free gift was a bank.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Motel 6 won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, maintenance increases, etc.,
I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told
them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked me if I could drive a truck.

[Krandall]

[Peelz]

The economy is so bad that:

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford batteries.
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
I bought a toaster-oven and my free gift was a bank.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Motel 6 won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my
savings, Social Security, retirement funds, maintenance increases, etc.,
I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told
them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked me if I could drive a truck.

LOL!!!!!!!

[Krandall]

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

[Magz]

wow im a future planner, i buy like 3 at a time so i don't have to run to the store 3 times a week...........