Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

Two blond-haired men named Bob and Ben go camping. They pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer and set off. After two days of hiking, they arrive at a great spot but soon realize that they’ve forgotten to pack a bottle opener. Bob turns to Ben and says: “You gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says Ben, "By the time I get back, you'll have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says Bob. "Just hurry!"

Five full days pass, and there's still no sign of Ben. Exasperated and starving, Bob gives in to hunger and digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, Ben pops out from behind a rock and yells: "I knew it! I'm not f*cking going!"

[Magz]

[Peelz]

Two blond-haired men named Bob and Ben go camping. They pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer and set off. After two days of hiking, they arrive at a great spot but soon realize that they’ve forgotten to pack a bottle opener. Bob turns to Ben and says: “You gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."

"No way," says Ben, "By the time I get back, you'll have eaten all the food."

"I promise I won't," says Bob. "Just hurry!"

Five full days pass, and there's still no sign of Ben. Exasperated and starving, Bob gives in to hunger and digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, Ben pops out from behind a rock and yells: "I knew it! I'm not f*cking going!"

muhahahahaha awesome!

[Spartan]

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED

[Krandall]

A man goes up to a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says: "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Do you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

[Lady4Fiddy]

A man goes up to a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says: "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Do you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

We gotz to keep our man in check.

[Krandall]

A man phones up his boss to say he won't be coming into work because his girlfriend is going to have a baby.

"That’s great news!" says his boss: "When is it due?"

"Well, if we get the timing right it might only take nine months," the man replies.

[Magz]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane...
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his...
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston. "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba." 

[Krandall]

 

[Peelz]

LOL tonto goldstein!

[Krandall]

A man gets home from working the night shift one morning and his wife greets him at the door, wearing nothing but a skimpy nightie and a smile.

"Tie me up," she says: "And you can do whatever you want!"

So he does, and half an hour later he's on the golf course.

[Krandall]

An old guy hobbles into an ice cream shop. He has a hard time walking and is hunched over. He goes up to the counter and says: "Banana Split, please."

The lady at the counter replies: "Crushed nuts?"

"No," the old man says: "arthritis."

[Krandall]

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

“Quick,” said the woman to the lover: “into the closet!” and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

“Who are you?” he demanded.

“I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,” said the exterminator.

“What are you doing in there?” the husband asked.

“I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,” the man replied.

“And where are your clothes?” asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said: “Those little bastards!”

[Krandall]

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Andrew standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy and said quietly: “Good morning, Andrew.”

“Good morning, Pastor,” he replied, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what is this?” he asked.

The pastor said: “Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Andrew's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked: "Which service… the 8:30 or the 11:00?"

[Krandall]

Q. What's the difference between a car mechanic and a herd of elephants?

A. The mechanic charges more.