Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Colorado700R]

Not funny

[disco]

Q:What do you call a person with no fear?



A: An ambulance.

[Spartan]

Q:What do you call a person with no fear?



A: An ambulance.

Cue

[Krandall]

GERD appears to man and says: “Son, if you want to go to Heaven, you must give up your wicked ways. You will have to give up cigarettes, alcohol and sex.”

The man agrees and a week later, GERD reappears and asks the man how his task is going. The man replies: “The cigarettes and alcohol were easy, but when my wife bent over to take the meat out of the freezer, I had to have her right there and then.”

GERD is angry and thunders: “We don’t like that sort of thing in Heaven!”

“They didn't like it in the grocery store either,” the man replies.

[Spartan]

Aaron...that's a clue for you too

[Magz]

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshoottin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."
 

[Peelz]

^^^^bahahahahahaha 

[Krandall]

[Krandall]

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispers to her mother: "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother explains, trying to keep it simple.

The child thinks about this for a moment, then says: "So why's the groom wearing black?"

[Krandall]

A blonde enters a sex shop, walks straight up to the shop assistant and says: “I’m after your biggest, best sex toy please.”

“Well, as you can see,” he says: “we have a wide variety of toys behind me. Which one would you like?”

She takes a few minutes to gaze at the array of pleasure instruments behind the helpful assistant before pointing and saying: “I’ll take that large red one on the wall there, please.”

The shop assistant turns to see which one she means, before turning back to say: “Madam, that’s a fire extinguisher!”

[Magz]

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=10&zenid=6kunhl73gf0uu7c4pcmsbdj016

funyun get your creditcard ready.

[Krandall]

and make sure you fill this up also..

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=6

[Magz]

SOME ONE LINERS!!!! A little fresh but not too bad.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A .They don't have balls to scratch!

[Magz]

I went to see my doctor.

Told him I wasn't feeling well.

He referred me to a Urologist.

She was young, built sweet and absolutely gorgeous.

She told me I need to stop masturbating.

I asked her "WHY?"

She said "So I can examine you".

[Magz]

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their Colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before?

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Oh boy! That was sphincterrific!"

5. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

6. "You know in Arkansas we're now legally married."

7. "Any sign of the trapped miners Chief?"

8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"

11. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

12. "You used to be an executive at Enron didn't you?"

 
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is in fact not up there.