Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said: "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you are having an orgasm?"

"Yeah," she replied, "probably playing golf with his buddies."

[Hefe]

is that what my wife does while I golf?

[dragonz]

is that what my wife does while I golf?

I did wonder who her husband was
She always used to be pissed off that he spent so much time on the course (till she met me that is!) 

[Hefe]

thanks for picking up my slack...
hell of a commute for you!

[Krandall]

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Scotsman were playing golf when they spotted a stunning mermaid on the shore. They all dropped their clubs and ran down for a closer look. The mermaid was incredibly beautiful and voluptuous.

The Italian, burning with desire, asked the mermaid: "Have you ever been fondled?"

"No, I haven't," whispered the mermaid.

So the Italian walked over and hugged and fondled her warmly. The mermaid said: "Hmmmm, that's nice."

The Frenchman, not to be outdone, said: "Have you ever been kissed?"

"No, I haven't," answered the mermaid.

So the Frenchman went over and kissed her long and slow. "Hmmmm," sighed the mermaid, "that's nice."

Finally the Scotsman asked her: "Have you ever been screwed?"

"No, I haven't," said the mermaid.

"Well, you have now," said the Scotsman: "The tide's out!"

[Peelz]

hahahahahaa

[Hefe]

no.. that one does not get a hahahahaha

maybe a ha... thats it

[Krandall]

I laughed.




hefe must not get it.

[Hefe]

I got it last night... with your mother trebek

[Krandall]

A lecturer teaching medicine was tutoring a class on observation. He took out a jar of yellow-colored liquid. "This", he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant to color, smell, sight, and taste."

After saying this, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched on in amazement, most, in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped one finger into the jar and then put it into their mouth.

After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head: "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."

[Hefe]

[Peelz]

that's pretty good Krandall.

Reminds me of a science teacher I had. Our semester final was a 5 page Biology test. At the top read:

"please read all instructions before beginning this exam"

We all finished the test (a very difficult one, I might add)

At the very end, it said:

"this has been a test of how well you follow directions, your answers do not count for your grade" "If you have done this correctly, please wait patiently at your desk, and you may leave class 20 minutes early, have a great summer"
"ll complete tests will be given a grade of 70%, but I will grade them just FYI"

DAmmit! I scored 95% on it I was getting so mad as classmates started leaving early. About 5 of them got it.

[Hefe]

we had one like that too

[Krandall]

A doctor had an elderly patient drop in on him for an unscheduled appointment.

"What can I do for you today, Mr. Smith?" the doctor asked.

The aged gentleman replied: "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak and I can hardly catch my breath... I'm frightened!"

The doctor, looking at his 86-year-old patient, said: "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gentleman thought for a moment and said, "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning!"

[Hefe]

I was in Costco's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
 
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
 
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
 
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
 
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours.."
 
Most old guys are helpful like that.