Post some good jokes here!!!!

[Krandall]

TOTALLY Phil 

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a man having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a man with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.


"For GERD's sake!", the tourist cried: "What the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a man shagging a sheep, and now some man's wanking himself off in the bar!"


"Settle down mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep."

[dragonz]

TOTALLY Phil 

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a man having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a man with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.


"For GERD's sake!", the tourist cried: "What the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a man shagging a sheep, and now some man's wanking himself off in the bar!"


"Settle down mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep."

See, I told ya those bloody aussies are good for nothing sheep shaggers!

[Colorado700R]

> Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable
> mathematical logic. 

> This  is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
>
> What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
> Ever wonder about those people who say they are  giving more than 100%?
> We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give
> over 100%.
> How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
>
> Here's a little mathematical
> formula that might help you answer these
> questions:
>
>       If:
>
>        A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
>
>       is represented as:    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 1 4 15 16 17 18
> 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
>
>
>
>                                 Then:
>                                 H-A -R -D-W-O -R-K
>
>                                8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =   98%
>
>
>                                 and
>
>                                 K -N -O -W-L -W-L-E-D-G--E
>
>
>                                11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
>
>
>
>
>                                But ,  A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
>
>
>                                 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
>
>                                 And,
>
>                                 B -U -L -L -S -H-I -T
>
>                                2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
>
>                               AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
>
>
>                                A-S -S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
>
>
>                                1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
>
>
>
> So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that While Hard work
> and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there,
> it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!

[Peelz]

har har har

[Krandall]

A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, including the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled shotgun. As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off -- shooting him right in the penis. Obviously, he had to see a doctor.

When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing his member. As he got ready to go home, the doctor gave him a business card: "This is my brother’s card. I'll make an appointment for you to see him."

"Is your brother a doctor?" the man asked.

"No," the Doctor replied, "he plays the flute. He'll show you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

[Krandall]

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced: "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!"

"What makes you say that?" the bartender inquired.

"Last week," Bill explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'"

[Krandall]

There were three people in a bar: A Russian, an American and a blonde. The Russian says: "We were first in space."

The American says: "We were first on the moon."

And the blonde says: "We'll be the first on the sun."

Both the Russian and the American shake their heads and say: "You idiot, you can't go on the sun! You'll burn up!"

"I know that," the blonde responds. "That's why we'll go at night."

[disco]

You know what's so great about thirty eight years olds?



There's thirty of them!

(terrible, i know.  heard that one on the plane before the skydive)

[Krandall]

 

[dragonz]

Hey Randy, don't you ever get bored of walking round inside that box??? 

[Krandall]

 
huh?

[Colorado700R]

your avatar, simple 

[Krandall]

[dragonz]

Maybe we should start calling you Johnny, 'cos you keep on walking.............

[Temptation]

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.






A notable gynecologist once said,

 

"The best engine in the world is the vagina.

 It can be started with one finger.

 It is self-lubricating.

 It takes any size piston.

 And it changes its own oil every four weeks.

 It is only a pity that the management system is so ing temperamental."