Post some good jokes here!!!!

[AJ RAPTOR]

gee RappyPrincess  where did you get that joke from lol  

This canadian guy, the blue rocket, he he he   

shhhhh dont say that last thing i need is the mini hos running after me trying to light up my farts

[Lady4Fiddy]

gee RappyPrincess  where did you get that joke from lol  

This canadian guy, the blue rocket, he he he   

shhhhh dont say that last thing i need is the mini hos running after me trying to light up my farts

Umm... a little too late 4 that, looks like the cat is out of the bag. Maybe they wont get it... or just hope you can run fast.   

[kyledvor61]

gee RappyPrincess  where did you get that joke from lol  

This canadian guy, the blue rocket, he he he   

shhhhh dont say that last thing i need is the mini hos running after me trying to light up my farts

oh yea

[AJ RAPTOR]

gee RappyPrincess  where did you get that joke from lol  

This canadian guy, the blue rocket, he he he   

shhhhh dont say that last thing i need is the mini hos running after me trying to light up my farts

oh yea

he who lights fire under someones ass, is going to get burned in the end

[AJ RAPTOR]

Riding A Dead Horse


Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse"

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.

7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.

8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.

9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.

10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".

11. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.

12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.

13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."

14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.

15. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.

16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.

17. Declare the horse is now "better, faster and cheaper."

18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.

19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.

20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.

21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

[Peelz]

 
Grammar ninja giggle   
 
For all you language buffs out there you will truly enjoy many of these!!
 

Philosophy of Ambiguity


THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY....(as well as the idiosyncrasies of English)

1.  ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.....

3.  ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5.  THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6.  I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, 'WHERE'S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?' SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

< B>7.  WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8.  IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9.  IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10.   IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11.  WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO 'GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?'

12.  WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13.  IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14.  WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15.  WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?  ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16.  If A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17.  CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18.  IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

21.  WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22.&nb sp; ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

25.  IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

26.  IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

27.  IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

28.  WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

29.  WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED 'HEMORRHOIDS' INSTEAD OF 'ASSTEROIDS'?

30.  WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT ! THEM?

31.  WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

32.  IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

33.  CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GERD?

[Flynbyu]

1. What  happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

2. Why  do psychics have to ask you your name?

3. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong  lane.

4. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

5. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

9. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

10. A day without sunshine is like night.


~Brian

[Flynbyu]

 When I checked into my hotel room on vacation last September, I said "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

The attendant said: "No," she says, "It's regular porn, you sick bastard."

~Brian

[Flynbyu]

A woman and her baby get on the bus and the driver says, "Wow that is one ugly baby."

The woman, deeply hurt, just continued on and found a seat next to an elderly man who said, "You shouldn’t take that from him. If I was you I would take down his badge number and report him. You go on up there and get his badge number and I’ll hold your monkey for you."

~Brian

[Flynbyu]

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, one guy says, “I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend just to be able to go fishing.”

The next guy said, “That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I would build her a new sun deck.”

The next guy said, “Man, you have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen.”

They continue to fish and then realized the fourth guy has not said a word, so they asked him, “What did you have to do to be able to come fishing this weekend?”

The fourth guy said, “I just set my alarm for 5:30 A.M. When it went off, I slapped my wife on her butt and said, ‘Fishing or Sex?’ and she said, ‘Wear sun-block.’”

~Brian

[Flynbyu]

Three sisters live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in the water, stops and then yells downstairs "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs but pauses and yells "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea shakes her head and says "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good luck, then pauses and yells "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

~Brian

[Flynbyu]

A dedicated union member was at a convention in Las Vegas and went to the local brothels. At the first one, he asked "If I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."

In support of his fellow workers he looked for a more equitable shop. But the next madame told him they had the same pay scale and arrangement. He finally found a brothel that was a union house and gave their workers 80 out of the 100 dollar fee. The union man looked around the room. There was a stunningly attractive young, sultry redhead and an 80 year old that looked more like 90. The man pointed at the redhead and said "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame "but Ethel here has seniority."

~Brian

[Flynbyu]

A husband came home drunk. His wife got out of bed, took one look at him and said "Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?"

"No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off."

~Brian

[Flynbyu]

Two little kids were in a hospital laying next to each other. The first kid leaned over and asked, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid said," I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid said, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a piece of cake!"

The second kid then asked, "What are you in here for?"

The first kid responded, "Well, I'm here for a circumcision."

The second kid said, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

~Brian

[kyledvor61]